I turned 25 this year and, a million “wow you’re so old” jokes later, I was asked some uncomfortable, invasive questions. Which is almost tradition for when you see relatives or the parents of friends. But I’m here to take a stand. Attention, adults and older relatives: Stop asking me when I’m getting married.
As if being in my mid-20s is terrible enough (I’m still trying to accept this fact, ok), being bombarded with the question of “when are you getting married?” or “when are you planning to have kids?” OR EVEN “your uterus isn’t gonna be fresh forever, you know!” (wtf??) has made it a hundred times worse.
It’s not as if I don’t believe in love. I do. A lot. I love weddings very much, they’re some of my favorite events. I’ve cried in every wedding I’ve been to. I got excited when my friends were getting married (that was an experience). But, frankly, juggling a new job, trying to find new hobbies, attempting to be a fully-functional adult (in this economy??), maintaining healthy friendships, and trying to eat right despite the overwhelming desire to just eat unhealthy take-out every day makes even thinking about being in a relationship with someone–much less marriage–a huge task.
It may be the shifting of tides and concentration to more varied hobbies and priorities, but it’s one I’m not apologizing for. I will not subscribe to a near-draconian set of standards to get married at this age just because it’s what’s done. Nah, man. There’s so much I still wanna do before doing those things. Like seeing the world or getting a master’s degree.
And, in understanding how I want to order my priorities, I think it also lends a more natural approach to what may eventually happen. It doesn’t have to be a countdown or deadline that will pressure me to place all my bets on one guy just for the sake of conveniently making it into the pre-set conditions of marrying at this age. No way. That’s not something you force.
I’ll do it in my own time–if I choose to do it. Because, tita, that’s the great thing about being someone who doesn’t subscribe to age-old, constricting ideals for women: I’m self-reflexive enough to choose other things I love more. You asking me when I’m getting married just challenges the notion that I can make my own choices. Which I can.
Also, I’m pretty sure that the state of my reproductive system has absolutely nothing to do with you. So you don’t have to worry about that. So, tita, stop asking me when I’m getting married. That’s not my fixed path, nor was it ever anyone’s. It’s also pretty expensive to throw a wedding and raise a child now and all that money can go to other things–like beer. Or food. Or lots and lots of lipstick.
Angela is a writer, a voracious reader, and a musician (in her dreams). She graduated with degrees in Philosophy and Creative Writing--a nice way of saying she has a lot to say and more than one way to say it. She is a lover of stories and wants to tell them in any way she can.
Tita, please stop asking me when I’m getting married
I turned 25 this year and, a million “wow you’re so old” jokes later, I was asked some uncomfortable, invasive questions. Which is almost tradition for when you see relatives or the parents of friends. But I’m here to take a stand. Attention, adults and older relatives: Stop asking me when I’m getting married.
As if being in my mid-20s is terrible enough (I’m still trying to accept this fact, ok), being bombarded with the question of “when are you getting married?” or “when are you planning to have kids?” OR EVEN “your uterus isn’t gonna be fresh forever, you know!” (wtf??) has made it a hundred times worse.
It’s not as if I don’t believe in love. I do. A lot. I love weddings very much, they’re some of my favorite events. I’ve cried in every wedding I’ve been to. I got excited when my friends were getting married (that was an experience). But, frankly, juggling a new job, trying to find new hobbies, attempting to be a fully-functional adult (in this economy??), maintaining healthy friendships, and trying to eat right despite the overwhelming desire to just eat unhealthy take-out every day makes even thinking about being in a relationship with someone–much less marriage–a huge task.
It may be the shifting of tides and concentration to more varied hobbies and priorities, but it’s one I’m not apologizing for. I will not subscribe to a near-draconian set of standards to get married at this age just because it’s what’s done. Nah, man. There’s so much I still wanna do before doing those things. Like seeing the world or getting a master’s degree.
And, in understanding how I want to order my priorities, I think it also lends a more natural approach to what may eventually happen. It doesn’t have to be a countdown or deadline that will pressure me to place all my bets on one guy just for the sake of conveniently making it into the pre-set conditions of marrying at this age. No way. That’s not something you force.
I’ll do it in my own time–if I choose to do it. Because, tita, that’s the great thing about being someone who doesn’t subscribe to age-old, constricting ideals for women: I’m self-reflexive enough to choose other things I love more. You asking me when I’m getting married just challenges the notion that I can make my own choices. Which I can.
Also, I’m pretty sure that the state of my reproductive system has absolutely nothing to do with you. So you don’t have to worry about that. So, tita, stop asking me when I’m getting married. That’s not my fixed path, nor was it ever anyone’s. It’s also pretty expensive to throw a wedding and raise a child now and all that money can go to other things–like beer. Or food. Or lots and lots of lipstick.
Do you agree? Let us know!
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About The Author
Angela is a writer, a voracious reader, and a musician (in her dreams). She graduated with degrees in Philosophy and Creative Writing--a nice way of saying she has a lot to say and more than one way to say it. She is a lover of stories and wants to tell them in any way she can.