Words by Kelly Punzalan
First dates can simultaneously spark feelings of excitement and uneasiness. Freaking out for hours or perhaps even days before, wondering if they’ll notice the zit that just formed on your face, praying that you won’t run out of conversation topics–we’ve all been there. If you’re lucky, you and your date have an instant connection and talk for hours. Sadly, we don’t live in a fairytale world nor are we characters in a rom-com, and the average person goes on more bad dates than good ones.
While some people still use the traditional ask-your-crush-out method, a lot have turned to dating apps for convenience. This can sometimes lead to some pretty unusual encounters, but at least they make great anecdotes!
Here are some awkward, uncomfortable, and downright terrible first date stories that I’ve collected:
11. Meeting the Family
“I took her to a Thai restaurant. When we got there, it turns out her mom and siblings were eating there too. She said it was a coincidence, but her mom reserving us a table was a clear sign it wasn’t. We had the date right next to her family’s table! I really wanted to just let her Mom pay the bill because I didn’t see a second date happening anytime soon.”
10. Daycare Date
“I invited this guy I met on a dating app over to my condo, and right off the bat, it was already awkward. He got to my place and we didn’t know what to do, so I suggested we watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine on my laptop. It was still super awkward, so I mixed some drinks hoping it would lighten the mood. He didn’t offer to help and just kept watching the show while I mixed drinks and served him. Afterwards, I cooked dinner and he STILL didn’t help. When he was done eating, he just left his plate on the table and went back to my room to watch more Brooklyn Nine-Nine. The worst part? HE FELL ASLEEP WHILE WE WERE MAKING OUT. I just went to bed. He ate my food, used my electricity, drank my alcohol, and I got nothing. It didn’t even feel like a date, it felt like I was babysitting him.”
9. Picky Eater
“I took a girl out for dinner and she went to the bathroom to throw up because she didn’t like the food. And to text her friend of course.”
8. Joe, is that you?
“I went out with a guy from Tinder once but we didn’t click and I ended up ghosting him. He somehow found my Facebook profile and constantly sent me messages. I still ignored him and he stopped for a couple of days, then out of the blue sends me this: ‘Pagkatapos nating magsama, ganon na lang ba talaga?’ Umm, yes.”
7. Ex’s & Oh’s
“A senior at my school asked me out, so I agreed to grab breakfast with him. He didn’t pay for my meal because he was low on cash–perfectly fine, by the way–but if that was the case, I wish we went to a more affordable restaurant instead. He also didn’t open any doors for me and I had doors slam in my face multiple times that day. We went to Starbucks after and hung out on the second-floor balcony. Things were going well… until he started talking about his ex-girlfriend. Once he brought her up, that was all he could talk about. To make things worse, we actually saw his ex and he repeatedly pointed her out. ‘Oh look, that’s her!’”
6. Suspicious Activity
“On one of the first few dates with my boyfriend, we decided to chill at a park after dinner. We were sitting in his parked car for a few minutes go when a guard came and started knocking on his window. He told us the park was closed and that we were in trouble. Next thing I knew, two police officers showed up at my side of the car and asked me if I was okay. They thought I was unconscious and that I was in danger because it looked like I wasn’t moving. But like, I was just sitting.”
5. Expectation vs. Reality
“A guy I met once at an inuman found me on Facebook and added me. We spent months talking online but didn’t meet in person since we were both busy. We eventually found a common time to go out for coffee and it was so disappointing. His online persona was completely different and we had absolutely nothing to talk about. The conversation was forced and there were too many awkward silences, so I asked my friend to bail me out. He pretended to be my coach and called, telling me that I had to facilitate my team’s training, and I got out as fast as I could.”
4. Six Feet Over
“I was using Tinder that time and I matched with this gorgeous girl. She was a varsity taekwondo player in La Salle Taft. We talked for a few months and decided to meet at Rob Manila. When I met her, I had to tiptoe to beso her because she was freaking 6 feet tall. I saw her struggling when she tried to lean on my shoulder at one point. Ang pinakamalala was when we ran into my classmates and they asked if she was my older sister.”
3. Married… with Children
“I went to the bank to open an account and was asked out on a date by a guy that works there. We watched Baby Driver together that weekend and we were just having a good time. After the movie, he walked me back to my apartment and we hugged each other good night.
A couple of days pass and I text him to see how he’s doing but I get no reply whatsoever. I’m thinking, ‘Oh, I guess I did something wrong and I forgot about it,” but in the back of my mind I was wondering “What the heck did I do?”
A few months went by and I tried to look for his Facebook profile but I suddenly couldn’t find him anymore, which was weird because I already saw his profile before. I Googled him and a girl with the same last name appeared who lived in the same area he said he was from. I thought it might have been his sister but when I went to her Facebook, lo and behold, it was actually his WIFE. They also have a child and they’ve been together for years. At least I know now that it wasn’t me who did something wrong.”
2. Teeth Cheese
“Okay so we were talking and it was going so well until I saw some tartar on his teeth around his braces. He was tall, and nice, great sense of humor too, but I couldn’t imagine my first kiss being with someone with teeth cheese. I was super icked out, but I played along.
We went to watch The Dark Knight and my brain was sounding all alarms, thinking of ways to escape my dilemma, but I failed and I ended up sitting next to him with his arms around me, which was fine and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but every time he would lean in for a kiss, I would turn the other way and pretend to hyperventilate.
I said I couldn’t breathe properly the whole time ’cause I was absolutely enamored with him (RETCHHH), but really, I just wanted to run for my life.
In the end, I DID run. Literally. I ran away and he chased me from MRT Taft to MRT Ayala, then around SM Makati. People thought we were a couple in the middle of an argument which made it more embarrassing. He was shouting, “Wait!” and I would yell, “Leave me alone! I don’t wanna talk!” He gave up and went home and I never saw him again.
Maybe you’re thinking I could have told him to just go brush his teeth, but I’m not his mother and he can suck it.”
1. Touchy Feely
“There was this one time I went on a date with this girl. I sent her a shirtless picture ‘cause I was really into working out then, so she saw that I had abs. The whole time we were watching a movie and walking around getting to know each other, she would always feel my abs. When I dropped her off at her place, she kissed me and told me she loved me. I said I wasn’t ready to say it back, she got mad and said, ‘THAT’S IT?’ HAHA I just said sorry and never talked to her again. Sorry, girl.”
Which story made you cringe the most? Let us know in the comments!