Words by Kim Reyes
Why do you strive for love?
What I’ve learned from simply listening to countless of failed relationships is that love is not really what we thought it should be. For instance, love isn’t supposed to be all about the kilig moments or the grand gestures and expensive dinners. Love isn’t exciting every single second; it isn’t supposed to be a road trip to the beach this weekend then a sky diving extravaganza scheduled the following week. Love is well…love, and it is really just about working hard to make something ordinary come alive in the relationship.
But, the one thing that struck me the most was something that had never really crossed my mind before as something bad. And I guess that is why I’m here writing this for you to read. Sweetheart, love is not about making someone your “everything.”
A good friend of mine once told me that her boyfriend is her “other half.” He was someone who completed her, and as cheesy as it may sound, he was the peanut butter to her jelly. Her partner was her “everything.” Now, isn’t that just romantic?
No. I don’t think it is.
While that statement has once made me swoon over like the lovesick fool I am, I now find it problematic as I comfort my dear friend crying her heart out right in front of me. She was lost. She didn’t know what to do next. Her love had destroyed her.
That’s when I realized that making your world revolve around someone is utterly toxic and unhealthy. To be frank, it is one of the greatest misconceptions people seem to have about true love. You see, a good relationship is supposed to be composed of two individuals who are independent and whole on their own. They can support themselves and are content with who they are as a person.
There’s really nothing wrong with wanting love. But, do not look for a partner just because you are trying to find a sense of fulfillment in your life. Do not fall in love because you feel empty and lonely without having someone to spend your time with. And do not ever think that you’ll find new purpose just by being in a relationship. That will only make you dependent on your partner’s perspective and approval. In the process of loving them, you come to lose who you are.
Instead of relying on your partner to establish an identity, I want you to look for love because you want to support and be supported in continuous self-growth. Find a partner because you are a capable individual on your own and because you want to spend your time with someone who knows that well. Be in a relationship because your partner encourages you daily to become a better version of yourself. Lastly, be in love because you know who you are outside of the relationship, and that’s only when you’ll come to realize that your love is worth fighting for.