The universe indeed has the quirkiest ways of making us realize things. You could be musing while sipping coffee or you could be smack in the middle of a movie. As for me, I was just doing my everyday makeup when a couple of realizations crossed my mind.
It started with the thought that breakups suck because they affect us not only mentally, but the exhaustion can even transcend physically and take a toll on our health. As awful as this process, it can also turn us into better versions of ourselves in the end.
If you are currently broken-hearted, here are a few reminders that might help you get through the sadder days. They may be hard pills to swallow, but I hope they put some sense into what is confusing you at the moment.
You can never really hate your ex.
Whatever bullshit story you told yourself to believe this idea, it’s false. Persisting with this mantra is just a band-aid solution that only represses the truth that should be helping you. Just admit that you will always care for this person and they’ll probably always hold a special place in your heart, even though you two might not see each other in that same romantic light anymore. You always have a choice – and if you choose not to turn into a green-eyed, vengeful, crazy ex; then you should be happy about that.
You can be over the relationship, but not the person.
This is a hard truth to encounter; but fear not, you’re not back to square one. This is still progress. You just recognize the line between the relationship and the individual. The day will come when you will stop mulling over what went wrong and what could have been had you just made a different choice while you were still together. This will stop. You’ll get over the relationship, accept that it is over, and let your memories together just be memories.
However, you will also come to realize that you cannot just unlearn and forget the person you were once so fond of, especially the parts that you learned to love so dearly. Reminiscing about them may make your heart beat for them for a while, but it shall soon hit a flat line… not because they’ve become dead to you, but because the feeling will soon be replaced by something new – something more serene and peaceful.
Regrets aren’t really what they seem.
You might have only realized how much you’ve fallen in love with the person after they’ve left, and it sucks because it’s already too late. Does this make you stupid, though? No. It’s comforting to know that you can actually love someone so truly and passionately. Allow yourself to be sad over these feelings of pain, loss, and regret; and you’ll eventually become invincible. You’ll definitely learn a thing or two about love after this, such as the selflessness you never knew you had in you.
“Love can only go so far.”
Someone I never expected to have a heartfelt conversation with told me this. Sometimes, the love you feel is not the magic answer to everything. It’s not the constant solution to the real problems of your relationship. While it’s important that you and your partner stay in love, it’s also smart to be wary about other things in the equation, like your career, time, priorities, insecurities, and attitude. It’s not just about staying in love; it can also be about factors outside of your relationship or innate factors caused by feelings. This happens because you might be outgrowing each other since change is a constant part of our reality.
You were, still are, and will always be enough.
True love can go to infinite lengths, but you shouldn’t let it take you to self-deprecating places. Don’t shoot yourself with all of the blame, and don’t think that you could never be whole again just because you’re in tremendous pain at the moment. I firmly believe that we all heal inside and out in due time because no person stays broken as long as they’re alive.
You may be a lover and less of a fighter, but you must remind yourself that even the most wounded soldier will remember that he can look after himself in the middle of battle. You can, too. You just need time, and no one’s rushing you. You might not be the same person anymore, but one thing’s for sure: YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY. Everything will be okay again and genuine happiness is just right around the corner.
Your friends are heaven-sent.
At this moment in your life, you really need someone to pick you up from the dumps of self-pity, confusion, and tears. You’ll need someone to lean on every time sadness strikes. Your friends’ presence is the brightest during this dim moment in your life. Even the ones who live the farthest from you will be able to feel your pain, and you’ll realize who the truest, most genuine gems around you are.
Watching relatable movies helps.
Part the breakup is distracting yourself. One of the classic ways to do this is by watching chick flicks. They’re inspiring, moving, sometimes funny, and hella relatable. Watching these films will also let you see different perspectives of love and its other beautiful forms. It’s a pretty great medium of art as they retell the stories of strangers who have once been broken and estranged from the concept of love, but ended up developing into different kinds of people because of it. Just like these fictional characters, you’re living in your own cinematic universe where you’ll make choices that will set your story apart. This is your chance to make yours worth telling.
I personally recommend ‘Someone Great’ because it will make you feel a lot of things (the soundtrack is also A++). Not only will this movie elicit a stream of tears out of you, but it will also make you realize that letting go is necessary despite it being a struggle. This movie will also remind you that you’ve got a lot ahead of you and that you’re still capable of doing amazing things. The world is once again your oyster, your playground, yours.