“Arguing” with your partner could stimulate intimacy, according to a New York-based Psychiatrist

A happy relationship, be it marriage, friendship, domestic partnership, requires the same amount of love, trust, and patience. If Spider-Man has a quote to live by (with great power comes great responsibility) so does every relationship: a great relationship comes with great maintenance.

However, maintaining your relationship is not a walk in the park nor would blossom in a blink of an eye. It needs cultivation, a lot of patience and trust. In fact, despite having harmonious moments, there will always have these trying times. I’m sure you would agree, that no relationship is perfect. We argue sometimes.

Apparently, arguing isn’t bad at all, as confirmed by Dr. Gail Salts, a Psychiatrist at New York-Presbyterian Hospital. She emphasized that arguing is a major form of communication, and that arguing isn’t necessarily an indicator of a failed relationship.

Arguing, in its simplest form, indicates that the couple demonstrates individuality by expressing each other’s opinions and ideas. In fact, lack of argument can also be a sign that the couple has a problem in communication.

Before you pick an argument with your partner, there are certain skills one must build with time. Dr. Saltz shared the following tips of the trade:


No one’s perfect; this adage is overused but hardly practiced. Do not insist that one of you is right because the fact you argued means both of you aren’t on the same page. So, compromise and think of a solution to minimize confrontations.

Try fixing the problem immediately

If you feel like you’re gonna blow up, speak up. Don’t hold it in and eventually end up in breaking the relationship. Just give your partner a heads up about your feeling, and if s/he truly understands you, s/he will listen.

Listen attentively

I have this book called “If I Really Wanted a Happy Marriage, I Would.” And one of the tips is to learn the art of communication. It simply means you must listen first a thousand times before opening your mouth. Just listen, and if s/he is done explaining things, that’s the time to air out your worries.

Don’t bring up the past

The problem with any relationship, one is always the “historian.” S/he brings up the past events that should’ve been resolved years ago. If you can, focus on the present issue.

Also, determine the difference between angry fighting and arguing or expressing your thoughts in a relationship. Choose your battles, learn to let go and “bite your tongue.” According to motivational speaker Elizabeth Gilbert, “You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”

In the same manner, being quiet or silent is not a healthy way to create trust in a relationship. This will make you feel like a martyr in the end.

Therefore, a trusting and loving relationship can argue without being angry.

Arguing allows couples to be more passionate, some couples claim that sex after an intense argument is more enjoyable. The explanation to this is simple, hormones increase and so with blood pressure during an argument and sex is a form of release.

Remember, words are powerful; it could kill or break someone emotionally and mentally. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively use words of despair.

Again before you argue with your partner, remember that mutual respect, love, compromise, compassion, and trust are important factors of a healthy relationship.

Ultimately, love is the most wonderful thing that has happened to us. Don’t be afraid to love all over again. Life is short. Love and be in love because time is all we have.

Please let me know if I’ve missed anything. Share them in the comment section below.


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