My mom passed away January 13, 2010.
(My brother passed away too due to car accident).
That was the date I questioned Him for taking away the most important person in my life. My faith in Him went out the window. He took away the only person who listens to my sorrows and laughs at my corny jokes without judging me. He took away, the only person I talk to about motherhood. How painful it is to raise 5 different personalities at home while juggling work and household chores.
But, last Friday, I lost it. I cried like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t grasp what was happening. Everyone was acting up. My kids were acting like ungrateful spoiled brats. Financial responsibilities are haunting me, just to name a few. I felt like it’s me against the world.
So, that Friday morning, I woke up a little late than usual. Thankfully, though, they were still asleep. (Thank you, Universe, for quite moments). I talked to my mom through my love letter to her. Here’s what I’ve written for her:
Mother’s Day is over. Di pa kami naka dalaw sa iyo. Sorry, kasi I’m always busy. We are moving, while I’m working. Sa sobrang busy, I forgot na the month we chose for moving eh, birthdays ng mga bagets. Daming ganap, muther. I’m sure at some point, you asked yourself: “Am I fucking too busy to notice things?” Shucks, Ma, I woke up and stared at the kids, asking the same question too. Is this why the kids are acting up? Yesterday, I saw myself, exactly like you, Ma. Remember, when you were still with Hyatt Regency? Yung ang ganda ganda mo, presentable, and your colleagues, and staff respect you? Tapos paguwi mo super sigaw ka sa akin kasi ang kulit ko and lagi akong nasa bahay ng friends ko? Shet, ma, ganon ako kahapon, with matching drama series pa. Siguro, tawa ka ng tawa dyan while saying: “welcome to motherhood.”
Hay, Ma. I miss you. I miss yung moments na nasa kabilang kwarto ka sa Multi. Tapos, pupuntahan mo ko sa room namin, tapos titignan mo lang ako, tapos alam mo na pinagdadaanan ko. Tapos, tatawa tayong dalawa, ng kahit wala naman nagpapatawa. Sasabihin mo: “ang importante ay mahalaga.”
Yun na lang, Ma, ang iniisip ko eh. Importante ang pamilya, mahalaga din sila. Pero sabi mo nga, mas mahalaga ang may pera. HAHA. Kaya waley lugar ang pag iinarte. Work is life.
I guess, I just miss you, Ma. I love you. Kahit wala ka na, ikaw pa rin ang taong pipiliin ko makausap kahit sa isip na lang. I’m sure while I’m writing this, nasa likod lang kita. Wag mo lang ako kalabitin ha. :) I love you. I miss you. Habang sinsusulat ko ito, tumatawag yung naglilinis ng puntod mo, bayaran ko na raw sha. LOL.
I’ll find a way to get through, Ma. We could’ve shared a lot of things together: my achievements, kids’ achievements, my perks at work, my co-workers, ang dami, Ma. If time was on our side. Ang daya mo, nang iwan ka kaagad. But, I love you, Ma. I miss you.