Aside from loads of selfies, our social media is bombarded with romantic hugot lines nowadays. I can’t remember going online recently without encountering posts about the bliss of romance and the misadventures of singlehood. Well, this is what makes us human and it is no wonder why brands, companies, advertisers and institutions use these things to win us over. We love the idea of love and romance always sell.
Maybe it’s a pun attempt or a sarcastic curb about our daily lives, but as I scroll down the endless memes, questions start to arise, such as “Why do people associate loneliness with singleness?” and “When did dating become a fad and a rat race?”
Pop culture – from movies to music to books to teleseryes to koreanovelas – convinces us that yes, romance seems to make the world go around. We are raised in this bubble that we will never truly be happy in life until we find “the one”, but is that true?
If you are in your 20s – the so-called grand years of your life – and you are single, chances are you already heard these stone-age comments:
- Your standards are too high.
- Are you asexual? Or a plant or a rock? (incapable of human emotions)
- You’re too successful / smart / intimidating.
- You need to hurry up. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but it’s 2017 and we’re running out of fish.
- You must reconsider your hairstyle, fashion, etc.
Sound familiar? The list goes on, but our singleness doesn’t have to be the dark ages of our existence. In fact, it can be a gift and a blessing. You just need to know how to use it.
This is not to say that your friends who are in relationships are missing out on the fun. There is nothing wrong with that. The only problem is when we claim that the other is better than its counterpart. Singleness is not better oor worst than marriage. You might say that it is only a matter of perspective, but what if singleness is a momentous phase to enjoy before transitioning to married life?
Too old-fashioned? Nuh-uh!
I’ve interviewed some married couples from different backgrounds, age and walks of life and asked them to fill in the blank: Singleness is a blessing if ________________________.
Here are some of my favorite answers:
*Names are changed for privacy.
5. You spend it growing yourself.
“When I was 18, I was pressured to get a boyfriend because all of my friends had one. It was my insecurity. If I could go back in time, though, I would discourage my younger self to give in to peer pressure. I would tell her to commit when she’s ready, not when she’s lonely. Being single is a time to learn, grow and develop yourself into the person you will become. So, get a life, develop a talent, travel the world, take your parents to a fancy dinner, take a dance lesson, etc. Getting married is not the end destination of life. ” – Claire, 35, Accountant, married for 3 years
4. You spend it with a mission and purpose.
“Teaching is my passion and when I was in my early 20s, I decided to become a campus missionary at our local church. I have a heart for the young generation and I want to be their Kuya who lends help. I get teary-eyed every time I look back, especially when I se that some of the students that I reached out to are now professionals. It is difficult to believe that they were once delinquents on the streets, but what really amazes me is seeing them reach out to the young generation, as well. For me, singleness is a blessing if you spend it making an impact on other people because your season has a reason.
” – Jasper, 32, Customer Care Representative and Campus Missionary, married for 5 years
3. You spend it preparing for your future.
“It’s all about seasons and when the time is right to get married. The right time is when you have already emotionally matured and are financially ready, amongst other things. One thing that my marriage taught me is that getting married will not solve all your problems. In fact, it is hard work; but it is worth it. So, while you are single, be responsible, develop good financial habits, make a savings account and train yourself how to budget.” – Carlos, 43, Businessman, married for 11 years
2. You spend it building meaningful relationships.
“They used to say that to be single is to be free. You know, single and ready to mingle, no strings attached and no commitments. I believe that singlehood is more than this, though. Being single is a blessing if you use it to build meaningful relationships.
You need to make sure that you have a strong foundation when it comes to your relationships – to your parents, siblings and friends. Learning how to communicate will not only make your marriage successful, but also other aspects in life. So, while you are single, spend time with your family and make friends that last.” Amy, 29, Marketing Manager, married for 4 years
1. You spend it enjoying your season.
“Real talk? Just enjoy your life. Don’t waste your current season because you’re dying to jump onto the next stage. Our society has a calendar for everything. By this age, you need to get a degree, get married and have children. Don’t succumb to the pressure; it’s a trap. Enjoy your youth before it’s over. You have to live your life – it’s simple as that.
” Angie, 37, Call Center Agent, married for 1 year
See? Singlehood is not a mysterious black hole – not even close. So, before cuddling your #ForeverAlone syndrome, why not think about possible things that you can do to improve your life instead?
Do you think being single is a blessing?