I have been single all my life. Okay, scratch that; I have lived my life “mostly” as a tiny speck in a world full of romantic clusters i.e. coupledom. Contrary to the common belief that’s making round in the interwebs, being single is NOT my choice. Unless I’ve received a calling to enter the convent and dedicate my life to celibacy, I don’t and will never want to live the rest of my life alone. Yes, I still have my mom and dad to grow old with, but the thing is—you know—I’d want to be with someone who can play the role of a significant other to me.
You see, I was this girl who had so many insecurities.
I never thought I was pretty, still don’t think so, though I’d say a lot have improved in my looks. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was in college, and it wasn’t even what you could call “legal”. Except for that guy, no one has shown an interest courting me. Sure, there were some indecent proposals, M.U.s (“mutual understanding”, whatever that means), and flings. But, at the end of the day, it was always just me, myself, and I. No guy was serious enough to commit to a relationship with me.
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On a few occasions, I’ve asked if it is all my fault. That, maybe, I’m just being too much of an idealist or having standards too high. Sometimes I could just grab someone who has somehow shown feelings for me and make him my boyfriend, but I can’t bring myself to do that. I know it won’t make me happy. Isn’t love a two-way thing?
I have detested reunions of any sorts where I know I would end up being a target of questions regarding my relationship status. It just gets worse every year. I’m 28. I could easily be a spinster. When am I going to have my chance at love again? It’s the question I keep asking myself every time I get prodded by my titas to “just go out and meet someone”.
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If only I could tell them that I also wish myself good things in life like a love life. How am I supposed to “just go out and meet someone” when every time I do, all I see is disinterested and “taken” men? It’s not like it’s a job fair out there where bachelors are hiring someone to spend their whole life with. It’s never that easy.
One time I’ve even imagined that–what if we all had a sensor that will blink once we pass by our respective future partners? Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to search the whole world and waste our time with—excuse me–douchebags who only eventually leave us? I don’t know about you, but destiny to me is just an excuse to wait and be idle. And God knows I’m not good at waiting; my friends will even testify to that.
So what’s wrong with being “forever alone”? It makes you feel like a freak. You become the third wheel, chaperone, whatever you call that someone who tags along with friends and their significant others. You watch K-dramas and get all teary-eyed and wish someone would do those romantic scenes with you. You hug your pillow and dream that you’re hugging someone. You become bitter about Valentine’s Day when everyone is smooching and giving each other gifts. You find solace in reading romantic novels. You end up not reloading your prepaid because you have no one to send sweet messages to ‘til the wee hours of the night. You–
I’m sorry, am I babbling too much?
To the ladies who are NBSB and have been single for a long time, I share your sentiments. Don’t you think we should hang out together and talk about, like, crashing some random girl’s wedding or blowing up a cinema full of cuddling couples? Just kidding. I think we have no choice but to just enjoy our single-blessedness and wait for our turn.
