To The Guy I Was Head Over Heels For

Dear You,

I just realized it’s been years since I last saw you. Funny seeing you here in our favorite tavern. Even funnier when you introduced me to one of your new friends and he asked how we met. We met here. My best friend was eyeing you from our table, wanting to know you so badly. Didn’t know you then, but was drunk enough to care. I approached you to get you to meet her. She’s the pretty and tall one–named after a beauty queen and, frankly, it suits her well. You started dating later on.

We were in college then. She’d arrive at school in your car, post about the bouquet of flowers you sent her, and get surprises we helped you plan. We remained friends even when all those stopped. A friend, cos I thought you needed one. I began seeing you more than my best friend. It then became me who you’d call. It became me. Or so I thought. It didn’t even bother me that you used to date her. I chose to be there when life wasn’t so good and easy for you, all because three years ago, you were still that guy to me, the one who knows how to sweep a girl off her feet.

I became that girl you’d introduce to everyone when you hosted parties. That girl you’d sit beside, and when some other guy tries to hit on me, you’d squeeze my hand and give him the look. I was never the prettiest girl in the room, but you made me feel precious whenever we were together. You, on the other hand, were the “cutest” among your friends and acted like the alpha. You were so “cool” then, and dating you was some dreamy achievement to me. That time, it was all that mattered. But that was before.

One day, even us stopped. “Us,” if there was even such a thing. You suddenly began dating somebody else and it hit me hard that you only made me your ‘for the meantime’. I decided to move on even when you still invited me from time to time, thinking maybe you were just in between fights with her then. Declining your invitations was the best thing I did. I was never going to fill those gaps in for you again.

I’ve moved on. Seeing you years later for the first time again seems like you haven’t. We were casually talking and, suddenly, you tried to pull me closer like I was yours. I’m not, and I was never anyway. Didn’t even have to ask if you just broke up with a girl cos you already told me, hoping I was single too. I’m not, and I’ll never make up a fight just because you were here again. In the next couple of days, you were posting about her on social media again. Just as expected, perfectly on cue. I didn’t just move on. I grew up.

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Being far off from where I was when we first met and seeing you in the same state will never be worth it. I’m not saying you haven’t moved on from me, but with life. You weren’t at your best when we “dated.” Years later though, you’re still doing the same old silly things we enjoyed as kids. You’re still that guy and maybe (hopefully not) that’s all you’ll ever be. I underestimated myself when my mind was all caught up with you. But I won’t let that happen to myself ever again.

Back in college, I thought you were out of my league. Today, I’ve grown to be way out of yours. I won’t even judge you for staying in whatever haze you trapped yourself in, but stop thinking that I’m still the young, innocent and happy go lucky person that I used to be.

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