After months of manic swiping on Tinder, I found myself bored of the app. I ended up mindlessly swiping left and right, without even reading profiles or sending messages when I match with someone. I also didn’t reply to messages sent to me. I don’t use the app anymore, but it is still there, in case I get the itch to go on a date again.
But now, I’m tired.
I wasn’t always like this. I once was a wide-eyed idealist who believed I would find someone interesting to talk to on the app (No, I wasn’t looking for a relationship or a good time). Of course, I had my preference in terms of looks, but I placed greater importance on profiles. I would only swipe right on guys who were my type in terms of looks and had a substantial profile. A goodlooking face is nice, but but how far can that take you?
I tried to make connections with the guys I matched with, and even if many of them gave one-word replies or didn’t make an effort to help me with the chat, I soldiered on, finding interesting people who I eventually dated in real life.
Somewhere along the way, I got tired. I got tired of always being in the “getting to know each other” phase with groups of people at the same time. I got tired of one-sided conversations, of meeting the same person with different names and faces. I got tired of asking “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?”
I used to love the thrill of dating someone for the first time. The jitters of wondering if your hair is okay, if nothing is stuck between your braces, if he likes you just as much as you like him.
But now, I’m tired.
Most tiring is how people expect you to do everything. They expect you to send the first message, ask all the questions, and sustain the conversation while they give one-word answers like “Okay” and “Hehe.” They expect you to ask them out on a date, they expect you to choose what to do and where to eat. And when you date multiple guys at the same time, it can be extremely exhausting.
So what do I want? Right now, I need a break. I need to be alone. In my manic desire to be with as many people as I can after a horrible breakup, right now I want to be with myself.
But if ever I do get back into dating, I want to meet someone who will be excited as I am to see him. I want to a conversation that will flow like sweet wine. Where my efforts will be returned. I will not actively seek a relationship, but I want to meet someone who will be open to the idea of letting it grow organically.
I’m still hopeful.
I will never be like those other guys on Tinder who only give only one-word answers. I now know what they feel, but I will not end up like them.
No, I’m not yet done. I’m not yet tired.