I once wrote an article about how all of my ex boyfriends have cheated on me. And here I am a year later with another cheating ex under my belt. Why did these guys cheat on me in the first place? Was it for a night of passion because they had gotten bored of me? Is it because I wasn’t doing enough for them? Was I not loving them enough? These are just some of the things that go through my head when I’m lying in bed at night and some depressing song comes on, reminding me of my failed relationships and the fact that I will most probably die alone.
The worst part is that these thoughts seep in days, weeks, and even months later. See, cheaters, this is what you’ve done to me: you’ve broken my mind and my heart beyond repair. You’ve turned me into a paranoid being who thinks that every man is out to hurt her. You’ve ruined every potential relationship and every chance I’ve had at real happiness because now, every man is the enemy. Every man is not to be trusted. Every man will, in fact, eventually hurt me.
That’s what my mindset is like now just because you had some fun in the mouths and between the legs of other women.
As John Green put it in ‘Will Grayson’: “When things break, it’s not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It’s because a little piece gets lost – the two remaining ends couldn’t fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed.”
Cheating may seem like such a temporary thing to you. “It was just one night.” “She meant nothing to me.” “I was drunk.” “You’re the one that I love.” But all of your words mean nothing because what you don’t know is that because of you, I can never be whole again. Because of you, I keep doubting myself and my worth as a person. Whenever someone new comes into my life and cheats on me, I just blame myself because, well, it has happened before, after all. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just not worth it. Maybe I’m just not lovable.
So don’t tell us that your animalistic tendencies should be forgiven, that it’s a guy thing, and that every man does it. No. If anything, it’s more manly to be loyal and to be strong enough to fight your urges. If you love someone, you wouldn’t want to hurt them, no matter what. And if you do, at least have the balls to man up, admit your mistakes, and be the one to walk away.
And if you don’t walk away and we stupidly forgive you, don’t tell us to get over it when we bring it up again weeks or months down the line. That’s not how the pain of cheating works.
Don’t expect us not to think about it every time you delete messages on your phone or we catch you flirting with someone else. No matter what your current excuse might be, accept the fact that the pain still lingers and always will linger.
In fact, I’m single right now, and the pain still lingers even now that I don’t have a man in my life. The scars are permanent. While you’re out there smiling and living your life without a care in the world; you’ve left someone broken, in pain, and in doubt. I hope you think about that the next time you decide to get into a relationship, and choose to finally be a better, loyal person.
