It’s true: all of my ex boyfriends have cheated on me.
I started dating back in high school, where I was in a 2-year relationship with the first cheater I would encounter in my life. When I caught him texting sweet nothings to one of our classmates, he denied it and made it seem like I was a paranoid psycho.
Things didn’t get better the older I got, either. No matter how short or how long the ‘relationship’ lasted, it always ended the same way: I caught them red-handedly cheating on me. And they always made it seem like it was my fault. “You’re constantly working.” “You never have time for me.” “With your busy schedule, what do you expect?” And it hurt every single time. And I cried every single time. I started blaming my job. Sometimes, I even blamed my friends and my family.
By the time my last relationship ended sometime last year, I started wondering if maybe it was me. Maybe I’m just not a relationship person. Maybe I simply don’t have enough to offer. Maybe I’m simply incapable of giving relationships what they want and need. Maybe I’m just unloveable, in general.
Maybe I was meant to be alone forever and die alone.
Have you ever been through the same thing? Have you ever thought the same thoughts? If you have, then here is something that you need to know: it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. You cannot be blamed for someone else’s stupid decisions and/or animalistic instincts. No matter what your relationship went through, you did not deserve to be cheated on. No one does.
Yes, it hurts. And yes, you’ll be scarred – maybe even for a prolonged period of time. But you need to stop blaming yourself and consider the fact that maybe you are merely being tested by higher beings; maybe it simply isn’t your time to find The One yet. And trust me: if an ex cheated on you, you need to leave that ex in the past. FOR GOOD. Screw the apologies and the promises to change. If they were capable of cheating on you once, they are capable of doing it again. No matter how much you love a person, you still need to love (and respect!) yourself more.
Yes, it will hurt and yes, it will be hard to move on; but it gets better. It always does. And don’t panic or worry too much about being alone. One day, you will find The One. One day, you will find someone who looks at you like the sun shines on your face even when you’re not dressed up and feel like a mess. One day, you will find someone who yes, still goes out with their friends to drink every now and then, and yes, finds other people attractive; but will never act on those feelings because they could never dream of hurting you. One day, you will find someone who finds contentment and happiness in you and your relationship, and you will find that same contentment and happiness with them. One day. Tiwala lang.