I, like most of us, have been stuck at home for 3 months now. And while I’m definitely one of the luckier ones who don’t have to worry about what’ll happen to me career-wise or anything, I have felt endless bouts of anxiety and fear. A pandemic isn’t a small thing, so I wonder sometimes how some institutions can minimize it like it means nothing.
What’s been getting to me most is that I haven’t had a good hug in so long. I love hugs. My love language is physical touch. I can stay limb-tangled with a friend for hours if I wanted to and not complain even a little (unless I needed to pee). And with social distancing, I can’t even go see friends to hug or hold hands with and it feels terrible.
Love languages are important, because it’s how we give and receive love in our own special ways. It’s not as if we can’t recognize it in other methods, but our own special ones are what we appreciate most. I would appreciate a long hug over words of affirmation any day, but it’s not as if I disregard those words of affirmation. It’s just that, when the going gets tough, a nice embrace would be preferred over anything else. It’s warm, it’s comforting, and I can feel the person say “I love you” without having to hear it.
I find myself more restless, more irritable, more anxious. And I know it’s because I’m not having that usual sensory experience I have when I get to see people and be with them and hug them. I am more prone to anger, my mental health has taken a dive. But I’m still hopeful.
Not having anyone to embrace has taken a bit of a toll, but I still recognize how fortunate I am in these times. I just look forward to the day I can run to a friend, hold them tight, and not let go for a very, very long time.
