Whether we like it or not, arguments are inevitable— whether with your boss, a colleague, your friend, or a loved one. More often than not, these conflicts, no matter how big or small they started out from, can really make our mood go sour and ruin our day.
But here’s a secret: conflict happens only 20 percent of the time, but affects you 80 percent of the time. Think about it— how long does it take for someone to annoy you? When you’re driving along EDSA and someone suddenly cuts you off, how long does it actually take? Seconds! But how long does it affect you? Most of us would be ranting all day about it to the nearest person we can find! Personally, I can relate to this… my temper can get pretty unpredictable sometimes! Either I clam up and stay quiet about my feelings, or I burst into a sudden rage of anger!
So how do we handle these conflicts without either turning into The Hulk or cowering in fear? Thanks to our friends at the La Vie Institute, we’ve learned at put together some valuable tips in going through the tough stuff of arguments with grace and poise!
5 Tips To Handle Arguments With Poise
5. Listen to the messenger, not the message.
For example, your mom nags at you for the nth time about not texting her about your whereabouts, and listening to the same dialogue and voice over and over again can really be grating to the ears! But rather than thinking out loud, “Stop it, it’s getting annoying!”, think about where she’s coming from, regardless of how she says it. Even if her nagging CAN get irritating, come from a place of understanding… then you’d know what to tell her back without causing drama.
4. RESPOND, not REACT!
Here’s a scenario… a friend walks up to you, death glare in her eyes, then out of nowhere suddenly SLAPS you! Your reaction? You’d probably slap her back or yell at her! The idea of engaging into a cat fight teleserye-style isn’t far off afterwards!
But RESPONDING to a situation instead of REACTING is different. Responding requires thinking— did you possibly do something to hurt her? Responding means being rational in the situation— rather than just mimicking the previous action.
3. Listen to what they have to say, THEN state your own objective.
Oftentimes in an argument, both people want to be heard first, so you can imagine what this creates: there’s a lot of screaming, a lot of yelling, a lot of “You’re not listening to me!” accusations. In handling arguments properly, there’s a time for everyone. Listen first to what the other person has to say and what they want, and then when they’re done, tell them what you want afterwards.
2. An apology is an apology— nothing more, nothing less!
When all has been said and done, when you know you’ve hurt a person’s feelings, it’s time to say sorry and end on a good note. But you know when the song says sorry seems to be the hardest word? Your apology doesn’t have to sound cliche! The way to creating an apology that is honest and sincere is to first acknowledge what you did wrong, tell them what you’re working on, and end with a request that both of you can collaborate on.
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I yelled at you. I’m working on trying not to yell when we argue. Can you please be more patient as I work on controlling my emotions?”
If there’s one thing an apology shouldn’t be, is that it should NEVER be used an excuse to start another argument!
1. Know what to filter and shut out.
Of course, you don’t always have to respond to EVERYTHING being thrown at you, especially when you know they don’t have any value or worth at all, especially to you. Take a page from Taylor Swift, ‘cause haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, and it’s best to just shake, shake, shake it off!
There’s always a better way to handle things including arguments that shows you are a class act! Thanks to La Vie Institute, we’re learning how to be better versions of ourselves, and that includes not getting into tacky catfights or unnecessary drama, while being able to clearly express your points across. You can check out their Facebook page for more of their Total Personality Development Workshops, including for Professional Development!
Here’s to Sam 2.0, new and improved inside and out!
La Vie Institute
2F Commercenter, Commerce Avenue, Filinvest Corporate City, Alabang, Muntinlupa City
(0917) 7723010 / (0917) 7723011