Are you sure the relationship you’re in is the right one for you?
If you’ve ever had a moment of doubt because of something your partner (or someone you’re dating) did, it’s probably best to take time to really think about the person you’re with. Are there too many red flags? Should you be staying in that relationship, or should you be packing your bags and leaving?
I recently saw a Humans of New York post on Facebook about a teenage couple sharing the story of their just-weeks-old love. It seemed a bit toxic. Readers were quick to notice that, reacting and leaving comments telling the girl to “run”. Some have even pointed out that this is how emotionally abusive relationships usually start.
Although we should perhaps cut the couple some slack as they’re only teenagers (I can’t find the post now—perhaps HONY took it down to protect the teens from the negative comments it was getting), the post made me think about how many people are in bad relationships and not even know that they are. Even adults in serious relationships.
I know, I know. People stay because they “love” each other. But can it really be love when it’s toxic? The right person for you would never toy with your emotions. The good kind of love is the one that makes you feel safe. That’s how you know. So if you experience anything less than that or, worse, see some red flags, honey, you gotta run. Run as fast as you can, and never look back.
Here are 11 red flags that are clear signs the person you’re dating is not the one for you.
11. When they try to stop you from doing the things you love.
They get mad when you get busy pursuing something you really love, like a passion or career. Or sometimes, it happens with the little things, like not letting you go on a night out with your friends. A healthy relationship should be about lifting each other up, not limiting someone from growing.
10. When they try to get even.
You know, when you make an honest mistake and they try to get back at you. A classic example? When they wait to text back as a revenge because they’re mad you took time to respond even though you were legit busy and they know it. Like, um, seriously?
9. When they purposefully do things to worry you, annoy you, or make you jealous.
ESPECIALLY to make you jealous. I’ve read a comment online before saying that making your partner jealous from time to time is good because it makes you feel loved and wanted. Um, no. That makes you a jerk.
8. When you feel like you have to earn their approval or validation.
If you find yourself changing your habits, lifestyle, physical appearance, or anything about you just to appease or impress the person you’re seeing, this might be a good sign you’re not in the right relationship. You never hear a compliment from them? Do they make you feel insecure? Dump him/her!
You can’t change how they see you. The person who truly loves you will love you for everything that you are, no matter who that is.
7. When you go to bed at night feeling unsafe in your relationship.
Simple as that. Do you lie in bed at night feeling safe, happy, and loved by your SO? Be honest to yourself. If you’re unsure, that’s probably a “no”.
6. When you live in constant fear that you might lose them.
You shouldn’t be feeling any kind of fear in your relationship. If you feel constantly insecure that you might lose your partner anytime, that might be a sign that something isn’t right. Is it really all in your head? Or does your partner deliberately make you feel this way? Going through a relationship feeling insecure isn’t healthy, and you probably should turn your back on it.
5. When they use breaking up with you as a threat.
Is one of the reasons you’re in constant fear in your relationship because they threat you with breaking up with you? Listen, that is not okay. The one who truly loves you will never do that to you. You know this.
4. When they’re always putting the blame on you.
When something goes wrong in the relationship, do you always get the blame, even if it wasn’t your fault? That can’t be right. You need to be able to discuss problems without putting the blame on anyone. After all, relationships should be “you and me vs. the problem” not “you vs. me”.
3. When you question if they actually really like/love you.
If you’ve been asking yourself this question a little more than you should, it might be your gut instinct telling you something important. Perhaps it is wise to take a moment to listen. Do they really like or love you? Are there things they do, whether big or small, that make you question this? There is a saying that goes “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” — maybe it’s time that you do, too.
2. When you don’t trust them or they don’t trust you.
It might sound like such a cliché, but trust really is one of the most important things in a relationship. Do you feel like they trust you? But, most importantly, do you trust them? If you can’t confidently answer “yes”. it might be time to think if you are in the right relationship.
1. When they don’t always treat you with respect or kindness.
It is unavoidable in relationships to sometimes get hurt, but it’s different when someone does it on purpose. Are they trying to hurt you intentionally? They shouldn’t—not emotionally and especially not physically. If they are in any way disrespectful, mean, or unkind to you, this might be the clear cut sign that they might not be the one for you.
Do you have anything to add to this list? What do you think are big relationship red flags people should be looking our for? Tell us in the comments!