You’re single because you’re not making an effort, sis

When it comes to blaming their single status, people love to accuse other things or people: their ex hurt them, they don’t have the time, the market is chaka, or Mercury is in retrograde. Let’s face it, sis: you’re the reason why you’re single.

Of course, there are cases when the reason behind their status is outside their control. Their parents are strict. They have (real) anxiety meeting people. They’re in the closet. But for most people, they can do something about it. The thing is, they’re not putting in the effort.

I don’t know if this applies to the straight community but I’ve noticed it in the gay crowd. You meet or match with someone online, say hello, make small talk, and that’s it. There seems to be an unspoken rule that one has to carry the conversation, ask the questions, and initiate the meet up. That person has to choose the date, select the location, think of where to eat and what to do. Chances are, you’ll have to be that person because the other won’t do it.

Real talk: nothing is going to happen if you’re just going to wait for people to talk to you. You’ll probably continue being single if you don’t go after the person you like. It’s much easier now with the technology of Tinder and Bumble, where you are matched with people who like you back. There’s a degree of mutual admiration so it’s easier to connect and flirt.

Listen, I get it. I’m lazy, too, and it’s completely understandable given the increasing demands of school, work, and society. After dealing with thesis, a rotten boss, and the hellish Manila traffic, it’s reasonable to just plop into bed and watch Netflix. But if you want to find the man or woman of your dreams, you have to do something about it.

You don’t have to create a dazzling performance or recite a poem worthy of Lord Byron. It’s about taking the time to get to know a person, setting time from your busy schedule to have dinner, and asking questions. Sometimes it can be as simple as making the first move and saying “hello.”






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