Everyone gets bad days; it’s something that cannot be eliminated, avoided or prevented. You can’t spit out a “not today, Satan” and expect the rest of your day to go well. Bad days will always be present. It’s meant to balance out the good in our lives. As the saying goes, “too much of anything is bad.”
However, there are some days when life really knocks us off our feet and holds us down for a very, very long time. Hands wrapped around our throats as they pin us down; and the more we gasp for air, the more the hold tightens. We’ll just lay there on the ground with our eyes tightly closed as we wish for this to end – this feeling of suffocation, sadness, and emptiness. We eventually lose count of the days we’ve been locked inside our own prison. We just sit behind the bars and eventually accept our fate: we’re never going to be okay.
Then you wake up in cold sweat one evening and something lights up inside of you, and it sends you banging on the doors in hopes of waking someone up so they can rescue you out of the hole you’ve dug yourself in. And you reach out – one last time, just one last time. Your eyes shut tightly, hope burning in your chest, the little voice in your head screaming, “Please take my hand!”
I had my hand reached out in hopes of someone to take it – and someone did.
Bangtan Sonyeondan, popularly known as BTS, is a Korean pop boy band who are currently on their way to conquer the world with their heartfelt music and genuine love for their fans. They are composed of seven members: Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Kim Seokjin and the one who helps me get through most of my days, the ever so dear Jeon Jungkook, BTS’ youngest member.
Growing up, I had developed a passion for music. I started out with late 2000s songs on our karaoke machine every Saturday night with my family until I decided Saturday nights weren’t enough, so I had to do it everyday. I wanted to sing everyday – and throughout my teenage years, my voice has gotten better and better until I lost my voice – not literally, but figuratively. I lost my spark. Karaoke didn’t seem so thrilling anymore. I was lost in the same song I had worked so hard on. The notes were a mess, the lyrics were slowly fading, and my voice wasn’t the same. It just wasn’t the same anymore.
Whenever I have bad days, it throws me back to that time – the span of time where the galaxy seemed to have too much stars, so they decided to throw me out and I fell face first on the earth’s surface. It reminds me of how I currently am in life: wandering, eyes covered with a blindfold as I venture through life with nothing but a scared soul and a heart full of dreams.
Having just one bad day completely takes away a part of the wall I’m desperately trying to build. It makes me feel stupid for even trying to believe in myself, for trying to hope that things could work out; and the saddest part, is that it makes me feel like a fool for being the hopeful person I am. It makes me hate myself a little bit more.
But then there’s the hand I’m holding – and I squeeze it time to time to make sure if it’s still there, and sure enough, it squeezes back.
Jeon Jungkook is many things. A K-pop idol with multiple skills; dancing, singing, sketching and even in cinematography. He’s known for being the Golden Maknae because what can pop star Jeon Jungkook not do?
The thing is – I don’t see him as a pop star who hypes up the crowd during concerts or the guy whose name can make everyone whisper in seconds, or that “Korean boy” with good looks and soft features – I see him in a different light.
Jungkook reminds me of myself, gentle but in a rush; a young soul who’s being forced to live in a cruel world where there are rules and lines not to cross. Jungkook reminds me of the voice I had when I was little, and the dreams that lived in my heart at the age of seven – I see it all within him. Watching his videos, listening to his music, and drinking in his voice; it lights up something inside me. And the more I get to know him through numerous Bangtan Bombs and V-Lives, the more the hold on my throat dilates.
So whenever the world decides to kill my vibe, I plug in my earplugs and he’s there. He squeezes back.
Jungkook was never the hero who rescued me every time I was taken by the big, bad monster – it’s me who saves myself. The decision has always been mine to make, but Jungkook gave me the boost I needed. He taught me to always see the good in everything – even if I had to squint my eyes. His music, his great personality, and his big heart will always be my escape in times where I wish I didn’t exist in this world.
I will end this article with a lyric from BTS’ song called “Magic Shop”, a track Jungkook co-produced and will forever stick with me: “On days where I hate myself for being me, on days where I want to disappear forever, let’s make a door. It’s in your heart; open the door and this place will await – the Magic Shop.”