This is a Guide on “How Not to Cliff Dive” and a story about Falling in Gay Love with Marc Nelson
Ok, so first, you need to check out my video on Cliff Diving in Boracay here: Cliff Diving at Ariel’s Point in Boracay
Now that you know what to do when cliff diving, here are some pointers on what NOT to do when cliff diving and also a short story about pure gay love.
Rule # 1 – Don’t try to copy Marc Nelson’s “Eagle Swan Dive” unless you have mad skillz like Marc.
Let me explain:
For those of you who don’t know, Marc Nelson is this super athletic celebrity who is widely known for his participation in The Amazing Race Asia and for almost winning said contest. He’s now a celebrity in Asia / The Philippines and is constantly on billboards that promote athletic, cool, smooth, and awesome stuff.
He actually gets cooler in person coz he’s super friendly. He’d usually initiate conversations and would often wave or smile at everyone while we were there at Ariel’s Point in Boracay. So pretty much, he’s a cool guy.
But what’s even more pimp about Marc Nelson is when he gets on the edge of the cliff and does his “Eagle Swan Dive.” I’m not sure what it’s called, but he does this dive where he looks like an eagle soaring through the air then followed by a beautiful swan dip into the great blue sea.
(Oh, and that’s a 45 Foot Cliff Dive!)
Pretty much, it was BEAUTIFUL. I immediately screamed and proclaimed my love for Marc Nelson along with my willingness to be impregnated (if possible) by him after seeing him do this “Eagle Swan Dive.”
The first time he did this eloquent form of eyegasm, every girl around me let out a soft sigh and moan… “Ahhhh” they exhaled slowly. But the funny thing was that every guy in the place, both gay and straight, did the exact same thing.
So where is this going with the whole “Guide on How NOT to Cliff Dive” you ask. Well, here comes the story of my friend, well let’s just use the alias of – Christopher.
Anyway, Christopher’s asshole (like every other live being there) spread like the gates of heaven when saints come marching in wide after seeing Marc do his Eagle Swan Dive. But the difference between Christopher and the rest of the newly gay community was that no one else tried to do what Marc did.
Christopher stood at the edge of the plank and contemplated his next move, then trying to be like an eagle, but looking more like a duck on crack, he spread his arms and leaped off the edge.
Then, in what seemed to go in slow motion, this duck-on-crack-like-soaring-being flew through the air without even a hint of grace or splendor. Then, in what seemed to go in superfast forward motion, this duck-on-crack-like-soaring-being landed on the water like a Hippo that jumped off a building. Belly first!
We weren’t able to get pics from the touchdown of this event, but you can already tell from the angle of this last picture (about 0.0278 seconds from hitting the water) that our friend unfortunately did not shape up into the right form.
With the best belly flop I’ve seen in my life, Christopher proved to us that Ducks and Hippos should never cross breed.
A sigh of pain came from the crowd and spectators but fortunately, other than a bright red chestbelly (a chestbelly is when your chest and belly merge into one form because of sudden unexpected impact), our Duck Hippo came out of this with no serious injuries.
Rule # 2 – Have a game plan!
Now this second story is kinda me giving mad props but also me not being able to help myself but laugh when I see the pictures.
This time it’s my other good friend Jax. Now the mad props and mad respect comes from the fact that he can’t swim, but had the balls to put on a life jacket and jump anyway. See, I can swim but I barely had the balls to jump in. Jax couldn’t swim, but yet it didn’t really take much to convince him to jump in.
Anyway, brave as he was, the pictures are still hella funny. I actually felt bad after he jumped as he kinda got the wind taken out of him and he kinda got shook up. I felt bad coz I thought we should have given him more pointers before just throwing him out on the plank.
Anywayz, for this I’ll let the pictures do the talking. But Jax ended up landing on his side and smacking the water hard. His head got shaken up and we had to help him out of the water after he hit it. So just remember that you need to land with your feet first. But either way, I need to make fun of the pictures a bit…
So from those pictures, just remember kids, you need to land with your feet first when Cliff Diving! Still though, mad props to Jax for jumping even though he couldn’t swim. Showed lots of balls.
Anyway, here’s a few more cool pics from that trip:
When In Manila… I mean… When In Boracay, go Cliff Diving at Ariel’s Point and have the time of your life! Just remember to land with your feet and not to try any Marc Nelson type jumps, unless of course, you are Marc Nelson.
*We’d like to thank our Airline Partner the South East Asian Airlines (SEAIR) and our hotel accommodations Astoria Resorts Boracay
ALSO READ: Top 10 Things to Do in Boracay