Words by Leika Golez
Relationships are complicated. So needless to say, couples will inevitably get into arguments, and those fights can be about anything and everything under the sun. When you get comfortable around someone you spend so much time with, you’re bound to butt heads. And that’s completely normal! Until he starts telling you what to wear.
It’s one thing to be protective, but another to be controlling. When your boyfriend tells you to change into something “more conservative”, then maybe you should reconsider your relationship. In situations like this, there’s a very fine line between genuine concern and unhealthy possessiveness. And contrary to popular belief, him policing your outfits definitely isn’t cute. Here’s why.
It’s emotionally abusive.
Remember that manipulative partners start small. You may let it slide and pass it off as something trivial, but the little things build up. Besides, do you really want to be with someone who polices your outfits? You’re not supposed to feel restricted in a relationship. On the contrary, your partner is supposed to encourage growth. He’s supposed to support the things that make you feel happy and confident, and that includes your fashion.
Teach men not to rape rather than telling girls how not to dress so they don't get raped.
Teach men to control their inordinate gargantuan appetite for sex and tell them it is not okay at all to rape any woman.
Tell them it is never okay to rape.#DontTellMeHowToDress
— Uzhenyemajisele (@MomentsWithBren) April 15, 2018
It’s an example of rape culture.
“Magpalit ka para ‘di ka tingnan”. Yup, we’ve heard it all before. If he tells you to change into something more “conservative” to avoid sexual harassment, then he’s the problem. Even in this day and age, some boys still don’t get it. Rape victims still get blamed for wearing revealing clothes. But instead of teaching girls how to dress, why don’t we just teach boys how to control their urges? We have zero tolerance for the whole boys-will-be-boys mindset, and even your boyfriend isn’t an exception to that.
It’s a sign of insecurity.
It’s highly possible that this issue stems from his lack of confidence. Instead of being proud of how hot his girlfriend is, he feels fiercely possessive of her. And only because deep down, he’s afraid that he’s not good enough to stay with her. But you should never have to compromise your self-expression for his insecurity. If he can’t reassure himself, then perhaps he’s not ready to be with you. You deserve someone whole, not someone who will force you to adjust for their personal benefit.
It’s your body.
It’s quite simple. Is it his outfit? Nope! So he has no right to tell you what you can and cannot wear. Remember, you’re not wearing it to impress him, or anybody else for that matter. You’re dressing up for yourself.
Nobody, not even your boyfriend, has the right to make you feel inferior just because of your style. If he can’t handle it, then run like the wind. Believe me, you’ll reach the finish line much faster without him. So the next time he tells you to fix your outfit, tell him to fix his own problems first.
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