For the longest time, I couldn’t fully wrap my head around the unsung power of friendship. That was, until it took a human form in the women I met online.
Photo: Cinemalaya
One thing you’re bound to learn about me is that finding my people was never a walk in the park. I grew up surrounded by the words “best friends forever,” “sisters from other misters,” “long lost siblings,” and the like—all of which sounded magnificent in magazines, books, and cartoons, but somewhat invisible to my real-life experiences at the time. My early twenties were no different, as I had learned the hard way that “constants,” “soul sisters,” and “ride-or-dies” didn’t just fall from the sky. They were earned and nurtured with time. And while my peers had already seemed to find ones for themselves, I still wondered which corners of the earth mine resided in.
Turns out, I didn’t need to look any further than the Internet—fandoms and stan communities, in particular. All it took was a simple like, reply, and direct message for the doors of true, irreplaceable friendship to open at last.
Striking Up a Conversation With Newfound Confidence
My skepticism didn’t go unnoticed at first, given the persistent dangers of talking to strangers on social media. But after years of failing to “click” and maintain connections with anyone I met in real life, or IRL, how could I not keep my heart open to primarily virtual bonds?
I had nothing to lose, anyway. I was as much of a fangirl as every pixel I’d interacted with on my timeline who hid behind the Korean pop (K-pop) idols on their profile pictures. We utterly adored the same artists and “geeked out” over our respective interests with all the freedom we had in the four corners of our screens. It only made sense that I yapped my heart out with them to compensate for going days without talking to someone face-to-face. Thanks to them, I became the unabashed extrovert that the perpetual wallflower in me needed.
If common interests were the heart of my online friendships, then every conversation that followed was their soul. There’s far more to my Internet besties than their biases, hyperfixations, comfort media, and the lovestruck, “delulu” scenarios that kept us up at night. These relationships I’d fostered on the web harbored as many multitudes as my IRL connections did (maybe even more), and I thank God every day that I didn’t discover their special quirks in one fell swoop.
Making It Out of the Group Chat (Literally)
I call them my core five. Two friend groups of varying fandoms, fueled by the same sharp wit and unparalleled zest for life. For the rest of their followers, they’re probably just mutuals or timeline regulars. To me, however, they’re total rockstars in their own right, and it’s been an absolute privilege to know them by heart as beautifully complex and creative Filipinas with larger-than-life dreams.
MNET’s multinational dance competition, Street Woman Fighter, brought me closer to the first two than I could’ve ever imagined. Simple chats about our favorite idols and professional dancers grew tremendously into late-night manifestations for our careers and love lives. I can’t help but beam with pride for one of them, who’s still finding her footing in the workforce, while I have nothing but mad respect for the other as she forges a path back to film and media, where her heart truly beats.
The minute our online bond turned real, with physical meet-ups that had us in stitches for days, the streets of Katipunan and Makati all knew our names. I finally understood why we crave genuine connections by nature. In those moments, I thought, who needs a relationship when I have online-turned-IRL friends whose love has me set for life?
I wouldn’t have met the three other rays of sunshine in my circle if it weren’t for K-pop hitmakers P1Harmony, ATEEZ, and CORTIS. Fangirling has become our love language—an essential to our inside jokes and musings about anything under the sun. We may live miles away from each other, but all that distance can’t hold a candle to their unmatched humor, grace, and heart.
In these five women, I see living proof of the saying “malayo pa, pero malayo na.” Be it in Manila, Baguio, New York City, or wherever life takes us next, our long-term goals in publishing, film, and the arts will never waver as long as we’re around.
The Art of Going the Extra Mile
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These days, my algorithm has been abuzz with video essays on how “inconveniencing oneself” should be the backbone of all friendships. True human connections, so they say, can only thrive if everyone involved willingly goes out of their way for their friends at the momentary cost of their personal peace.
Understanding these notions has admittedly been tough. In a world where every conversation and joint endeavor seems transactional or replaceable once their end-goals are achieved, I’ve found it challenging to discern whether the efforts I’ll make for my friends are worth it or not, and if they’ll do the same in return.
In the years I’ve spent with my internet friends—which have unquestionably been some of the most memorable yet—I’ve grown past questioning what’s in it for me. Before I knew it, I was writing them letters, preparing gifts, showing up for them unasked, committing to our hangouts, and bearing the brunt of rush-hour commutes just to be in their presence. All of which I hardly even considered doing for the people I met prior.
If online friendships have helped me appreciate life this fully, who am I to say they aren’t as important as my real-life peers? I wouldn’t trade the influence and inspiration we’ve given each other for the world. We may have met as mere pixels on our timelines, but we’re in it for the long run. And if there’s anything I want them to remember for the rest of our lives, it’s exactly what Olivia Rodrigo said in her latest girlhood anthem, “u + me + <3”: “But I got a feeling, wounds are healing, talking on the phone. I know everybody changes, but I hope that we don’t.”
ALSO READ: I Love My Low-Maintenance Friendships, but I’m Now Starting to Feel Lonely
Who are your friends for keeps, and how did you meet them? Show them some love this International Day of Friendship in the comments below!
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