11 Truths On Dating A Pole Dancer
So, you’re dating a pole dancer. Congratulations! You are well on your way to a tsunami experience you’re completely unprepared for. Before you get too excited, though, I think it best that you equip yourself with all of the necessary information needed to keep a harmonious relationship with your hot new S.O.
11 Truths On Dating A Pole Dancer
11.. POLE DANCERS ARE NOT STRIPPERS.
No offense to practitioners of adult entertainment, but gyrating by a pole while stripping is not exactly pole dancing. Most pole dancers I know have sober corporate day jobs. These are women who are successful lawyers, bankers, mothers, doctors, engineers, and business owners. Besides, we don’t really have much clothing on to begin with. What keeps us from face-planting is surface contact of skin to pole – that exciting phenomenon called friction.
10. NO, WE DON’T COME WITH PERKS LIKE FREE LAP DANCES.
Believe it or not, when we come home from training, all we really wanna do is collapse on the couch and watch House of Cards. Sometimes there’s cookie dough involved. There’s a reason why pole fitness is not for everyone: it takes a huge amount of physical endurance. So bide your time and allow us to willingly perform this when we’re actually physically able to.
Massages will get us to that physically able state, though. Lots and often. Deep tissue preferable.
9. WE OFTEN DRIFT OFF INTO SPACE, SMILING STUPIDLY.
Relax, we’re really listening to the exciting story of your tooth canal procedure. The goofy grin was brought on by the prospect of a new combo or floor choreography we’re testing out in our heads.
8. THERE WILL BE POLE VIDEOS. LOTS OF THEM.
Your inbox will be flooded with links, which we expect you to religiously view, so you can gape and gawk along with us. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to salivate over these women and despite what you hear from us, we’re most likely still straight. Yes, yes, we know you have a big advertising pitch happening right this instant, BUT DID YOU SEE THAT AERIAL SIDESPLIT?
7. POLE DANCERS ARE OFTEN SMART, ARTICULATE WOMEN.
“Bet your boyfriend loves that you pole dance.” If I had a peso for every time that was leerily said to me; I’d probably have, well, 29 pesos. Most of the time, this is said by someone whose humor is as dated as that tired old cliché.
Pole fitness takes commitment fueled by mental strength and reinforced with the sheer volume of research on anatomy, pole engineering, cross training disciplines, countercultures – any and all literature related to our practice. So don’t look insulted if we’re capable of breaking out four-syllable words, as in, “Yes of course he loves that I pole dance, you lascivious simpleton.”
6. WE WOULD PRETTY MUCH DO ANYTHING FOR YOU IF YOU EXHIBIT SOME POLE DANCING KNOWLEDGE.
Despite the growing mainstream acceptance of pole dancing as progressive fitness regimen, it still remains largely a titillating concept deeply rooted in exotic gentleman’s club culture. Ironically, pole dance history traces its roots to 12th century Chinese Pole and the 900-yr-old Indian Mallakhamb – which takes its name from “malla” meaning “wrestler” and “khamb” meaning “of pole,” traditionally forming part of a wrestler’s training regime and of which pole is an exclusively male sport. It wasn’t until the travelling fairs of the 1920s American Great Depression that suggestive dancing with a lot of hip movements on poles holding up tents were performed by a group of dancers known as the Hoochie Coochie.