Dating nowadays is stupid hard. While it’s so easy to connect with someone now, it’s just as easy to cut people out. Some of us have fallen victim to this unfortunate ease of being left behind. Some more than once, even!
If you think you have a ghostly visitor (not literally–I can’t help with the paranormal), here are some signs you gotta watch out for. NOTE: We’re aware that none of us are entitled to other people’s time and attention, it just hurts that someone we thought was into us turns out not to be and/or actively chose to stop putting in the effort because it was inconvenient. This is in the context of being ghosted in a a relationship that you thought was going somewhere.
7. Shorter and shorter answers
The two of you used to go from paragraphs-long conversations that would last over 11 hours to short, brief, one-worded answers from the other party. Even if you’re still trying to engage with them like you used to! You send nice messages about your day, what you’re doing, or something you both like and they just reply with “haha,” “oh,” or “cool.” And it’s frustrating.
See, sometimes it’s the slow-fade where conversations just get shorter and shorter. Other times, it’s just a sudden thing. I’m not sure which one’s more frustrating: Watching someone slowly lose interest in you or just one day looking forward to another nice conversation and suddenly getting nothing.
6. Flaker! And never re-schedules
They don’t commit to plans, they can’t even promise you anything within the week! It’s that or they just kind of say “yeah, maybe” to everything you propose. And it kind of sucks to feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort to see them or hang out–especially when they seemed just as into you at the beginning.
Worse is if they do agree to some plans and then just flake last minute. And when you say “next time,” they don’t follow through either. I’m very aware that I’m not entitled to their time and all, but if they give vague answers and are unclear, it’s just frustrating. Even when the both of you have talked about hanging out or setting aside time.
5. Doesn’t introduce you to their friends or inner circle
You know it’s a red flag when they refuse to introduce you to their friends. It’s as if they’re determined to keep you out of the loop of their life as much as possible so that, in case it gets messy, they don’t have to deal with their own friends detangling you from their lives. They want to keep you separate from their friendships so it doesn’t mess up any dynamic.
That’s probably a huge sign because they don’t want you to be part of your life in that regard. You already know it’s just a temporary thing to them.
4. Always online but never responds to you
You can see them tweeting, posting pics on IG, even haha-reacting their friends’ posts, but they take 100 years to respond to you when, back then, they responded to you so quickly. It seems like them being super into you only lasted a few weeks and they stopped wanting to put in the effort. Which would be fine–because we’re not entitled to their time–but they still leave you hanging with half-plans or emotional bait.
Just as you’re about to move on, they say something sweet and keep you hooked so you don’t let go and they’re gonna go back to ignoring you and tweeting. Ugh!
3. They never contribute to the conversation anymore
They hardly ever reply with substance and it’s reaaallyyyy pissing you off. If anything, they just try to kill the conversation as fast as possible. And despite your best efforts and your earnest desire to talk like you used to, they’re opting out. They simply react or even just say “haha” or “ok.” And it hurts.
2. They hate being confronted
If you even try to bring up the fact that they’re treating you kind of badly, they either try to downplay it or just don’t acknowledge it at all. Which, to a degree, is pretty disrespectful. And if they respond with complete silence, that can even be emotionally cruel. Especially when they tell you they’re interested in you, want to be there for you, and all those other cliches.
Bringing up their behavior to them is like shedding light on their crappy communication habits. And they don’t wanna be self-reflexive about how they leave people hanging. So you immediately become the bad guy if you make them aware of their own frustrating actions.
1. They can’t keep promises
They might be super sweet at first but a big red flag is when they can’t make promises. They can say stuff like they care about you or you’re special or anything like that but when it comes to concrete promises, plans, or things they swear to do for you, they can’t keep them. All talk no action–that’s always a good indicator.
They’re probably really not interested in anything, just momentarily inflating their egos by keeping you interested in them for a bit and then running off the minute they have to be a little more accountable for things. Bye!
Remember: Even if someone ghosts you, it doesn’t mean you, as a person, are hard to love. It has nothing to do with your worth. It’s them choosing to waste your time and make you feel like you’re inconvenient. You’re really not. Hold your head up high and treat people right! Be kind!
Do you know any other signs? Let us know!