Let’s admit it: even the best parent-child relationships will have their ups and downs. Conflict is practically inevitable whether it comes in the form of small, petty misunderstandings or big, explosive fights. These are normal things in any relationship, but they hurt all the more when people refuse to apologize for any of them. And it seems like parents, particularly Filipino parents, have such a difficult time admitting their faults and saying sorry to their children.
A varied number of small but significant hurts exist when we look back on our relationships with our parents. The way they would overreact and get overly angry about a small slip-up, or maybe how they redirect their frustrations to you and make you deal with the brunt of their temper. Refusing to see your perspective in any argument or to concede even when obviously wrong. There might have even been times when they lashed out at you in disagreement and resorted to personally attacking or deliberately demeaning you.
The thing is, attitudes like this are normal in any fight and should be expected. After all, our parents are only human. But the differing factor is our parents’ willingness to admit it was a mistake.
Filipino parents like to ignore that these things ever occurred, that a fight never turned out as badly as it did. At best, they will pretend it didn’t happen and continue life as if you didn’t spend hours shouting at each other the night before. At worst, they continue to act as if they were still in the right and go down with whatever boat they’re on. They are unable to admit their wrongs, even when it’s for something as small as snapping at your child for an innocent mistake. Doing this fails to treat children with the proper amount of respect they deserve.
Children are as entitled to proper treatment as adults are. They are not doormats meant to be wrong or subservient at all times and in all situations. If nothing else, the feelings of children should be as valid and important (if not more) than anyone else’s. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you’re automatically right. It doesn’t mean your children ought to adjust for you every step of the way. Children have to feel that they are important too — they rely on care and good communication to develop.
Refusing to apologize when you’ve hurt them and possibly done some wrong has the potential to mess them up in the future or even emotionally stunt them if taken at the extreme. It becomes more difficult for them to learn how to process their emotions. Their cues for apologizing or being apologized to are blurred and it affects the way they either take or refuse blame.
We have to start recognizing that the feelings of children are just as mature as others and definitely as important. The things they experience in their childhood and the way they learn to deal with it marks the rest of their life. It sets how they view and react to things; it dictates how they navigate their path. We can’t dismiss hurt feelings as tantrums or assume they will forgive and forget our mistakes. We have to make an effort too.
What’s your take on this?Â
