First, let it be known that I would never judge you. At this day and age, slut-shaming is downright despicable and hypocritical. All the self-righteous bitches who think they know better and cast judgment on you are idiots. They’re idiots who don’t know any better. They don’t know the struggles that you’ve been through, and are going through. It tears you apart every day that you never wish that they go through the same thing.
Yet, this is not about what other people think of you. This is about what you think of yourself. You go on with your life day-to-day, trying your best to brave a smile on your face, while you’re hurting inside. The fact is, you’re so crushed with the thought of whether you are ever loved, a thought that lingers on your mind. All your life, you’ve been told that you were beautiful on the inside, yet somehow, all of those feel like a lie.
Every night turns into an adventure, the thrill of meeting strangers. Suddenly, your life feels like it’s on fast-forward for a few hours, your heart racing the entire time as you get to know your mystery man in ways you never thought you could. An intoxicating concoction of adrenaline and endorphins come over you, as your midnight prince whisks you away in his sedan, far off into the darkness of the night. Every time your skin comes into contact with his, you feel alive and electric. Your connection makes you feel loved and wanted. You feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, the feeling you’ve been chasing all night long, as you’re consumed in a volley of sighs, touches, and empty promises.
Yet as dawn creeps in, you realize that the connection was just fleeting; the moment temporary, which is now replaced by guilt and betrayal. You are angry at yourself for being so foolish, and angry at the world for not making you desirable enough to let him stay for more than one night. You sit alone, hugging your knees, as loneliness consumes you once more. Again, you feel unattractive, unwanted, and unloved. As the sun sets, you set out and once again, look for the same feeling you had the night before.
It becomes a vicious cycle, as you endlessly seek the love you ache for in a place that will never become permanent. You end up hurting yourself over and over, going from guy after guy, thinking that every next one who comes along is the one, only to leave you in the dust. Your soul slowly dies as you face what you think is the irrevocable truth: that you are unlovable.
Dear girl, you deserve more. It is not true that you are unlovable; only that you are looking for love in the wrong places. Know that you deserve more than to be treated as a notch on someone’s bedpost. You cannot expect to be loved back, just because he sought you out for one night. Chances are, that’s how he only saw you good for: until the sun comes up.
And, that shouldn’t bother you. It should only let you know that he’s not going to be around for keeps. On the event that it does bother you, then maybe you should rethink whether you should still be doing something you aren’t completely comfortable with. Your happiness should never be defined by someone else’s standards, especially by the superficiality of whether he thinks you are hot or sexy. The great depths of your entire awesome personality should never be defined by a single adjective, especially one based on appearances.
Know your worth. Know that you are worth more than one late-night phone call. Know that you’re worth sticking around from sunrise to sunset, and all others that will follow.