Put the phone down, besh.
Imagine this: Nasa inuman kayo. May tama ka na. Your world is spinning a little and you’ve just inched past that stage where you’re laughing at everything everyone says and hugging everybody. You’ve now entered the stage where you miss them. You know who I’m talking about. Not the ex you’re chummy with now (if applicable), but the ex who completely ruined your life, turned everything upside down, and made you question if you could ever handle loving ever again. The one you type long paragraphs to before deleting them, wanting to know the whys and hows of what happened. The one who hurt you so badly that it isn’t right, that your friends all hold you back from trying to talk to them again. The one who blindsided you with “I don’t love you anymore.”
That one. Don’t text them.
Don’t text them sober, don’t text them drunk, don’t text them when you’re grocery shopping. Just don’t. They’ve hurt you enough already, why give them the opportunity to do it again by either ignoring your message or just regurgitating whatever excuse they had at the time? Don’t hand them the hammer again just so they can destroy you all over.
The person who claimed to love you is gone, the person who was sweet to you and promised you the world isn’t there anymore, they failed to keep their end of the bargain and you were shattered for it.
You can’t will them back with texts or calls.
This doesn’t go for all exes, of course. Like I said, some exes you can be friends with.
But some exes, you can’t. And you can’t keep shoehorning them into your life, trying to make some Cinderella-miracle-fit happen with someone who hurt you that bad. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you get the old conversations and the old dynamic back. Sometimes it just means you face forward without them and you leave them behind in order to heal. And that’s not a bad thing to do.
If you’re feeling in any way vulnerable, drunk or not, your ex is not the person to contact. You might think it’ll go back to how it was and you’ll feel that comfort and that love again, but don’t risk it. More often than not, you’ll either get hurt more or the comfort will be short-lived and you’ll find yourself in a worse position.
Why do we text our exes? Because we remember how big a role they played in our lives and we want them to fill that again in the same way they did before, before all the pain. They made things so good once, why can’t they do it again? And it’s such a specifically shaped role that only they fit–or that they used to. And those are keywords to all this: Used to. Because they can’t, don’t, and won’t anymore.
So if you’re drinking and don’t trust yourself, hand your phone to a friend who cares about you. They’ll know to keep you away from your ex’s number. Be good to yourself. Heal. You can do it.
