Young lovers in the Philippines have it tough. With one of the highest population densities in the world and many people still living with their parents, you’d think Manila would have a lot more make out spots. There’s no ‘Lover’s Lane’. No ‘Make-out Mountain’. No ‘Pervert’s Park’. Most of the heavy petting happening in public is security guards doing weapons checks on shoppers as they enter the mall. A white glove momentarily caressing the top of your ass at a security checkpoint doesn’t exactly count as first base. So, what are the choices in Manila for people forced to go out to make out?
Sex in vehicles? In the Philippines, it’s generally against the law except in Quezon City where it was allegedly legalized last year. Even still, people there are quick to tell you that the sex is supposed to happen in your own vehicle and not in front of them inside this jeepney right now.
What about young lovers sneaking into their bedrooms while their parents sleep like Shakespeare’s Romeo did? While it is an option, our bet is that it’d probably end similar to how the play does – but with all the killing being done by the girl’s father.
What about camping? In a country like the Philippines, where the temperature’s suitable for outdoor lovemaking year round, it’s surprising there aren’t tents wobbling in every park in the nation. If teenagers in freezing cold countries had this kind of weather all year instead of spending half of it in a frozen wasteland, they’d constantly be pitching tents. Unfortunately, being naked outside in the sub-zero weather that plagues those places shrinks your passion both emotionally AND physically. There’s a reason why it’s called ‘the heat of passion’.
As it stands, they try to get as much of it in as they can before it drops. Yes, I’m putting as many sexual innuendos in this article as possible. Even when the weather’s ideal, it’s unlikely sex camping will catch on in a place as conservative as the Philippines. Besides, it’s tough in any country to convince your lover of the romantic appeal of stripping down and rolling around with you on a yoga mat under what’s basically a tarp assembled in a clearing. The added level of difficulty here is that the Philippines has some of the most poisonous snakes on earth, so the promise of roasting marshmallows over the flames of desire may not be enough to persuade them.
This is why the Filipino lover’s motel exists. The Pinoy Pleasure Palace. The Consensual Thrilla in Manila. The Rumble in the Jungle (Themed Room). Considering the limited options, some of which we’ve already covered, it’s no wonder it’s become the default spot for intimate encounters. It’s important to realize that the definition of a lover’s motel or hotel is completely different depending on what part of the world you’re in.
Lover’s motels in the Philippines are a lot more wholesome than they are around the world. Probably the most sinful thing about them is that they’re the only bedrooms in the country that don’t have a mini crucifix hanging on the wall. Even still, that’s pretty tame compared to how they are in a lot of countries and the way they’re portrayed in Hollywood movies. Dim, low structures covered in dirty neon and guilt. Overseas, those places are full of strangers who are often only getting introduced to each other as they climb onto a waterbed for an agreed-upon price and amount of time. In most countries, they often only survive as unnecessary places for people’s bosses to lie down with their secretaries away from the judgement of their wives for a little while.
Lover’s motels in the Philippines are completely different. Here, they’re a necessity for normal people who are often young and in many cases have been in a committed relationship together for years. People in other Asian countries are experiencing the same privacy problems and are using the same solution. Overcrowded and underloved stuck living with their conservative Asian parents well into middle age due to housing costs and tradition. That could be a description of Hong Kong’s issues. In a nation like Singapore, the government’s practically pushing people on top of each other to get rid of their low birth rate. Half the sex that happens in Japan takes place in lover’s motels. Half! These days most people are only using the Kama Sutra to try to figure out how to make love in a space as small as the one they’re living in without waking up their family.
Those of you who are scared of being seen going into a lover’s motel, trying to save money or just don’t trust them might be better off getting back in your cars. Most of these lover’s motels are drive-thru and unless you’re attracted to cab drivers, it means you’ve travelled there in your own vehicle. A soundproof capsule with heavily tinted windows, air conditioning, music, plush seats that tilt all the way back and no admission fee. A car is just a ‘room’ that can be parked anywhere! We’ve already mentioned it’s legal in some parts of the nation plus, based on national statistics, almost everyone in the Philippines is car love sized.
For most Filipinos, being able to squeeze into a car to have sex is possible. When Scandinavians try it it’s comedy. Well what if you’re not car love sized or you don’t own one? You also have to take into account the safety factor. You could die accidentally releasing the parking brake or triggering the airbag in a frenzy of desire. Doesn’t seem worth the embarrassment at your funeral does it? Nobody wants their tombstone shaped like a naked guy falling onto a gear shift knob.
Renting a karaoke room is always an option. For centuries, Filipino guys had to do harana. Standing under a girl’s window, straining his neck, courting her with love songs. Karaoke’s just modern indoor harana. For guys it’s way better than having to stand outside in the elements singing up to a potential lover’s bedroom window. She still gets romantic songs sung to her just like regular harana but it sounds way better because of the echo coming off the Magic Sing mic. Also he gets her alone in a dark, soundproofed room, with lots of padded horizontal cushions. It’s perfect! Except for the huge window next to every karaoke room door allowing people to look in and watch. Maybe you’re into that.
If you’re not, then we’re back at the lover’s motel! We’ve gone through every other possible option. These motels and hotels have cleaned up their image so much that some people even claim they just go there for the food now. These days they’re catering to families, bridal showers, work parties. They’re actually even promoting themselves as a place for birthday parties for kids. It makes sense really. Enough of them were conceived in one. Maybe you were.
Article by Lukas Drake.
