Words by Fudge Santos
Graphics by Nicole Teng
Ever been so used to talking to a person, getting to know them, sharing bits of your life with them… and suddenly one day that’s all gone, and you’re not even given a reason why he/she left you unread in their inbox? Or maybe it’s worse and suddenly they don’t even exist online or offline anymore and you’re left wondering if any of it was real. That, my friend, is called ghosting.
Ghosting is the art of existing for a moment and disappearing like–POOF–without explanation or warning. Pretty much like a ghost. The term “ghosting” started in the mid 2000s, when social media and online dating apps were beginning to peak. Admit it, we’ve all been there and done that. May it be an officemate we found annoying, or an acquaintance that was no longer fun to talk to–there are times when you, too, can choose to deliberately ignore someone without a second thought.
Sadly, it’s not something uncommon and there have been people who experienced “ghosting” the hard way (I mourn for your souls, huhu). That’s why we’ve compiled a few ghosting confessions just for you, from the ghosted and the ghost-er. Maybe so that you can relate or maybe so that you’ll realize you’re not alone.
15. Cutting Ties
We were exclusively dating for three months and then he started acting cold. He wouldn’t call, would reply very late, and he didn’t want to meet up with the excuse that he was busy working. Then for three days he just didn’t contact me at all. When I got mad and confronted him about it, he told me he was letting me go.
A guy liked me in high school and after a while, he got a bit creepy about it. I didn’t really know how to respond so I’d be super uninterested in our messages and would reply really late. Fast forward to us somehow becoming friends and magkabarkada. We got to college and he still liked me. He pursued me and we became a couple. At some point when we were together, he just started ignoring me and his reason was he fell out of love. We broke up because of it.
13. “Good” Daughter
I ghosted him because we have different worlds. He was a Catholic and I wasn’t. Ghosting him was my only choice. Growing up, I’m the so-called “masunuring daughter.” Being the youngest, I have the obligation to always listen to my family and I cannot love someone or pursue someone that my family doesn’t want.
12. Trip Fling
I met someone during my solo trip to Boracay about four years ago. We bonded during the 12-hour ride and even in Boracay mismo. He added me on social media and promised to meet me here in Manila… Pag-uwi ko, I didn’t reply na.
Before dating my current boyfriend, I dated girls through a dating site. I was ghosted after two weeks of dating this girl who was training to be a triathlete. She ghosted me immediately after we met up. And I was the ghost shortly after that because I took a social media detox. I think I ghosted two to three people. It’s not good.
I did the ghosting. This was more than 10 years ago. I was introduced to the girl by a common friend and that friend set us up on a date. I didn’t like the over-all vibes of the girl so I texted my cousin to call me and feign an emergency. After I got out, I never replied to any of her text messages. Not really proud of what I did but hey, that’s part of growing up, you make mistakes.
I’ve been ghosted by a lot of people already. Friends or possible partners. For example, there was this person who I liked so much back then, I confessed and it turns out that this person liked me back. We were in the landian stage then all of a sudden this person just stopped communicating. Gone were the late-night talks and everything in between. After a few days I found out that he was in a relationship with someone else. And since we belong in the same circle of friends, everyone was congratulating them while I, on the other hand, would just leave the conversation.
8. Hopeless Romantic
We were friends back in high school. Not really a thing but we were close. Even if we went to different schools, we talked every single day just to let each other know how our days went. In college, we grew busy. It’s natural, acads and commitments are part of college life. I told myself that our friendship would last. But our back and forths became fewer and seen zone became commonplace as our conversations dissipated with our existence. Now I see her IG stories with her new college friends. Ironic since she tagged me as one of her close friends in the app. But that’s fine. I’m glad she’s happy, and I am, too. We still are friends, but maybe that’s just me being hopeful.
7. Lesson Learned
Three years ago I met a guy through a dating app and we went out for coffee one afternoon. When we were talking, we found out that we had so much in common. We started texting and planned our next coffee or dinner date. Weeks turned into months and we barely talked. He was so busy with work that we stopped talking altogether. I stalked him through social media and found out he was liking photos of this girl, and eventually started dating her. I didn’t fret because I knew those types of guys were really not worth it. I still went out on different coffee dates with other guys after meeting him. I’m happy to say I’m dating this guy I met through the same app. Lesson learned, if a guy ghosts you–move on. He’s not worth it. The right guy will come.
He was my best friend in high school and I liked him. He changed schools but we still kept in touch. Slowly I showed him that I had feelings for him and eventually, he knew and told me the feelings were mutual. Since we were still studying we decided to just be mag-MU (mutual understanding). After a few months we would still meet, but our conversations started to feel one-sided. He’d reply late, and he’d excuse it as being busy even when I asked him to acknowledge what was happening. I told him to give me a heads-up next time and he asked why since we weren’t a couple. That hurt me since I only wanted a little commitment, being MU and all. Siyempre may pagka-marupok ako and I’d wait for him to message. It came to a point where he stopped trying altogether and I didn’t want to force myself onto him anymore. Our friendship lasted for three years, but us being mag-MU was only five months. I’ve always blamed myself for his loss of interest in me. Now I always overthink when it comes to liking men because I’d always feel as if history would just repeat itself.
5. The One Who Went Away
In 2016, this decent guy and I who met in 2015 had a prelude to courtship/dating. He visited me more than once and gave me awesome gifts. We even had a sort-of-date somewhere romantic, dined, had an abysmal conversation, and more. He led me on with his traditional way of wooing a woman for about three months. He didn’t directly declare whatever he had to say so I waited. Then he left for his medical training in the USA. For a month he didn’t communicate like he used to do in the past three months. I tried to understand since he’s really busy and engrossed in his training. But it really bothered me, so after more than a month, I asked what happened. He said he fell in love with me and he can’t handle it, dreaded the possible LDR in case he’ll pursue me, and I’d accept him. Now, we don’t talk anymore. I kept my distance. He’s still single like me.
4. Semester Ender
We were applying for the same scholarship and became very close. We did projects together, joined contests, went on dates, and there were times that he’d cook for me when I was sick. He said he was planning to court me soon. Eventually, the scholarship results came back and he got it, while I received an acceptance letter from another university. In the end, we went to different colleges and tried to make it work between us through online platforms. He stopped contacting me at the end of the first semester. I thought it was because he was busy since we were both adjusting to university life, but I would see him online and he’d share posts on Facebook like he had all the time in the world. I tried to justify it for a while since college was hectic. But after two months of him ignoring me, I texted him one last time saying I was no longer happy. He texted an apology and said that he was depressed and needed time for himself. He wished me luck with life and stopped talking to me altogether.
It happened in July when I asked her to give feedback on a Facebook note I published about “the one.” She replied asking if she could be “the one” instead, and became sweet to me for several weeks. And then when I confessed my feelings for her, she stopped chatting. But two months later, she messaged me again with an endearment and the whole cycle repeated. Apparently, everything she did to me was a joke because she felt as if jowang jowa na ako.
2. Song Breaker
I already had a crush on him even before we were classmates in high school, and we eventually became friends. Since we were in different schools in college, we only started talking again in 2016 during Christmas Eve when I greeted him. Since then, we’d talk until we fell asleep which we’d continue when we wake up. We didn’t have any labels but we knew it was more than just friendship. I would open the topic and ask about what we were and he would just change the subject. That was until during the first quarter of 2018 when he made me listen carefully to Ben&Ben’s “Kathang Isip.” Since then, he started acting cold, and a few months later I found out online that he has a girlfriend already.
“Kathang Isip” is based on the band’s main vocalist’s experience in being in a no-label relationship. Might explain why he made me listen to it.
My best friend liked me for four years. During the fourth year, he started pursuing me seriously. Ge took me out on dates, picked me up from my house, and we would go to school together. We spent so much time together and I eventually fell in love. But one day in one of our talks he told me that he liked someone else: a friend of mine. I was shocked at first, but I expected it since we were still young. He felt guilty about it but I comforted him and asked him if he would like to stop dating to try figuring out his feelings for the other girl, but he said no. Time passed and I could see that when we’re alone he would tell me everything while I did the same, but in class he would ignore me and would just talk to the girl. This continued for a few months and it made me depressed. When I couldn’t handle it anymore I wrote him a letter to say I wanted to stop dating because the situation made me feel sad and insecure. After he read the letter he said, “okay, decision mo yun” and that was it. I lost a potential boyfriend and a best friend without an explanation.
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