Admit it or not, dating tends to be a huge part of people’s lives — it’s natural for humans to crave for social interaction, and we do look for connections with others, whether it’s in the pursuit of a partner for life, or to simply have fun, explore and broaden your horizons.
And while there are no hard and fast rules to dating, there ARE people who are simply better at it, while there are those who could benefit from a little help, especially when social anxiety can get the better of them!
Amanda Coling, a self-proclaimed “ugly duckling-turned-playgirl who has vowed to reform and now uses dating, attraction, and social skills for the greater good”, is a professional dating coach (yes, it’s a thing!) who teaches women to take matters into their own hands and upgrade their dating, mancandy-hunting, and soulmate-catching skills.
But as Amanda tells us, learning how to catch a cute guy’s eye isn’t the end goal. “The dating mindset and skill sets I teach are only the beginning. The ultimate goal is authenticity and to live life on your own terms, not anybody else’s.”
We talked to Amanda more about her interesting job and life. So if ever you’ve wondered what a professional dating coach does, and whether you need one (or want to be one!), read on below.
1. How did you get into date coaching?
Growing up, I was seen as an ugly and unwanted child because of my dark skin, and because I grew up without a father. Even TV shows and movies I grew up with suggested that illegitimate children like me were unwanted children. My mom, coming from her own fears, past pains, and prejudice told me that all men are bad and would just use me and leave me. When I grew older, I started dating and tasted my first heartbreak. I was creating a reality that matched the beliefs my mother instilled in me, and thus, I was attracting assholes who only used me and left me.
I always loved to read, though, even as a child, and learning about things I was interested in. I eventually learned that many of the beliefs my mother instilled in me were not facts, but stemmed from her own prejudice.
And because of all these fears and mistakes, I kept reading and searching for knowledge so I could be a better person and have better relationships. And then somehow, I became friends with pick-up artists where I learned more about the psychology of attraction and human dynamics, among other things. I even started studying spirituality, the law of attraction, metaphysical laws, and esoteric arts.
I channeled my fears into something that would benefit me, and something I could share, serve and help other people with.
2. What exactly does a professional dating coach do?
I give free dating tips through my vlogs. I wrote an e-book that’s available on Amazon called Get Any Guy You Want or Have Fun Trying. I have a live show on When in Manila’s Facebook page where I give dating advice. And I’ve been doing private coaching for both men and women and now working with my team to organize public live and online seminars.
I thought, “How can I serve this world and help change it for the better with what I have now? And how can I serve as many people as possible the fastest way?”
I realized that there’s value in what i have to say, teach and experiences i can share. And since no one was doing it here in the Philippines, I felt like somebody had to step up and take the lead and empower people, especially women, to make romantic choices from a place of SES, or Strength, Empowerment and Self-awareness. People can either be single or be in a relationship, and that’s fine, as long as it’s from SES.
3. Who are your usual clients?
I initially started with coaching guys who wanted to get laid more. Haha! Because I started by learning pickup arts, which is basically about seduction.
In the beginning, I was doing it because it felt cool to know something not many other people knew about. It was like having an edge in every social setting. Eventually, I started feeling like seduction felt empty and didn’t have an enduring effect.
So I started furthering my knowledge and studies and search and realized what was truly more important to me, and had a more enduring value for people. Now, my clients are mostly women as I’ve realized that my heart is really passionate about empowering women, and showing them how much personal power they actually have. Still, I have guys who inquire and enroll in my coaching services, so I don’t say no to opportunities to help and be of service.
4. What’s your own dating story? Have you always been naturally good at dating and meeting other people? Or have you had a heartbreak story of your own?
I’ve had major heartbreaks of my own, yes. Minor ones and two major ones–the very first one and the most recent one.
I’ve learned a lot about myself from those heartbreaks, relationships, people, so I see the gift that my own heartbreaks were.
The people we attract is just a mirror of the kind of person we are. It is life mirroring us to us. We don’t attract who we want — we attract who we are.
I learned that in all my relationships and even things I did, I was never 100 percent committed, so I was attracting the same kind of guys who were not 100 percent committed as well.
So now, I’ve raised my standards for guys: they must give butterflies in my stomach, plus have 100 percent commitment.
5. What do you think are common mistakes people make when meeting someone or approaching someone for the first time?
One of the common mistakes made would be to show too much interest too soon, without making the other person earn it by demonstrating their internal value first. It is human nature to not value much what we easily get.
Another is not being able to attract by successfully demonstrating that they are of the same value or higher value than the person they want to attract.
It is also human nature to be attracted to value. When I say value, I mean values such as social value which comprises social status, power and influence; survival value, such as physical and mental strength, and in our modern world, money; and replication value, which could mean good looks or the appearance of good health, which denotes the ability to replicate or produce offspring.
Modern as we may be, our cavemen brains are hard-wired to survive and to replicate. And of course, our socially-conditioned minds are conditioned to give importance to social value.
6. What is your opinion on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, etc?
They are tools and it’s up to you to use them to your advantage or disadvantage. In my own experience, I’ve only used Tinder and I had so much fun using it! It even got me through eight mostly expensive states in the US for more than 2 months. Haha! It got me wining and dining at places I otherwise wouldn’t spend $350 on in one sitting.
And, of course, I’ve read articles of couples meeting on Tinder and ended up falling in love and getting married. It’s a vast universe filled with endless possibilities.
Catch Amanda Coling’s FREE live webinar on her Facebook page, Amanda Coling
on November 22 (Wednesday), from 8-10PM
Amanda has a weekly Facebook live show on the When In Manila Facebook page every Thursday, 8PM
where she talks about love, sex, dating, and attraction.
Tag a friend who you think needs help with dating!