The days are dark. The nights get colder. We feel alone more than ever. We’re stuck and it sucks. But nonetheless, we wait. As we do, we wonder if the pain will ever end. We doubt that we’ll ever reach the other end of the seemingly endless and scary tunnel we’re in. We stare into the never-ending sink hole of the unknown and we wrestle and debate whether it’s truly worth sticking around.
There’s the air of despair and hopelessness and anguish and fear and anger and exhaustion that threatens to consume the strength left in our wounded and broken bodies. There’s the thoughts that won’t let our restless minds find peace even for one second, loosening our already feeble grip on life. We feel like letting go.
It gets harder each day. Getting out of bed. Getting out of the house. Getting out of our beaten selves. But behind our fresh wounds and old scars is light that no amount of darkness can ever trump. It’s the light that won’t leave us in our own dark, that stubbornly pursues us when we’re lost, that peeks through the holes and cracks of our torn souls. It’s the light that leads us through the darkest of nights, that keeps us afloat amidst supermassive black hole we circle to and fro for the longest time. It’s the light that helps us push and fight and take heart and not give up.
It’s the light that never tires of telling us “You are worth it” and “You are loved.”
This light embraces us and our darkness. It sits with us in our doubts, fears, and shame, and doesn’t condemn us for asking the hard questions and wrestling with faith and what it should really be all about. It exposes the lies we’ve hold on to for so long and open our eyes so we can see the truth. And the truth is we’re worth it even if our tragic and unspeakable past screams no. The truth is hope and recovery is possible. Yes, there will be relapses down the road. It will be frustrating and heartbreaking. It may even be more chaotic and messier than before. Healing doesn’t come overnight and the road to it is never smooth. That’s exactly why second chances exist. Because we’re complicated beings who are perfectly flawed. We stumble and fall no matter how hard we try not to. But despite this, we’re worth every second chance we’ll brave to accept. We’re worth second chances no matter how many relapses we have had and may suffer in the future. Don’t let the darkness tell you otherwise.
We were never wired to be adequate in ourselves. We need each other. Now, we all know that we can’t possibly hold each other hands every waking hour of the fight and that’s okay. That’s why the Light came. It braves the dark and the unknown to sit with us and be with us every second of the battle. It hears the silent cries of our hearts and binds up our wounds. When we’re lost, it goes out of its way to find us and leads us back home.
Let’s be unashamed of the holes and cracks of our fucked up and messy lives because they’re where the Light shines through. And when it gets through, we can be sure we’ll have the strength and hope we need so we can keep on living despite the enormous struggles we battle today. So we can choose us because we’re worth choosing. Finally, so we can choose to stick around today, the next day, and the days following that.
Because even if it doesn’t make sense most of the time, it’s always worth sticking around.