Why is it so hard to leave toxic relationships?

Words by Leika Golez

A lot of people talk about how to leave toxic relationships, but no one ever discusses why it’s so difficult to leave them in the first place. If you think you’re in a toxic relationship right now (be honest), then you’ve probably blamed yourself for being passive about your whole situation. The advice of “just leave” is thrown around so much these days, but little do they know that it’s easier said than done. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t be with people who aren’t good for you, but there’s just so much more to that when your feelings are involved.

And no, this doesn’t mean that you should simply settle for an unhealthy partner just because leaving is challenging. But it does mean that it’s okay to feel stuck and confused sometimes. That’s because there are reasons behind choosing not to move on in spite of the toxicity, and here are some of them.

4. You want to “fix” your partner

As humans, we have this natural desire to be the hero and save the day. We want to fix something, and in this case, someone. We can’t help but crave the validation that we’re capable of changing someone we love through our love.  

But as much as it hurts to admit, our love is not and will never be enough for someone manipulating us. And that’s not your fault in the same way that it’s not your responsibility to fix an abusive partner.  

3. So much has already happened

Whenever you begin having thoughts of moving on, you suddenly get reminded of your loooong history with this person. You’ve just gone through so much already as a couple. You’ve already invested so much time and effort into the relationship, so why not just stick it out until the end?

Well, contrary to popular belief, your memories won’t be wasted if you break up. They’ll always be with you, and you’ll start learning from them the moment you decide to leave. 

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ALSO READ: Why You Shouldn’t Regret Past Loves, Even When They Didn’t End Well

2. The familiarity feels nice

We all know that it’s scary to try something new, so it’s only natural for us to cling to the people we already know. Moreover, the thought of being single again seems to be so terrifying because we all just want to feel secure.

But admit it, you’ll never feel secure with a toxic partner. You consider him to be a person close to you, but at the same time, you still feel so distant. I know it sucks to start all over again, but it is possible.

1. You’re scared of making the wrong decision

We can’t help it. It’s hard to trust our instincts in these cases because we’re so in love. And there are just so many possible regrets we might experience when we make this tough decision. 

Still. This relationship may feel like your everything right now, but that’s exactly why you should leave. You deserve to have a life beyond your partner. And it may not feel like it, but there’s so much more to you than your love life.

It’s difficult to leave, but isn’t it even more difficult to burn out in that toxic relationship? Besides, no amount of infatuation and familiarity and regret will ever be worth compromising your own sanity. It’s a tough situation, but when you’re through it, you’ll be in a better place. 

Remember: you deserve to be happy, even if that means being alone. Give up on the relationship, but don’t give up on yourself.

ALSO READ: Life After a Toxic Relationship

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