Why Do We Keep Stalking Our Ex on Social Media Even if it Hurts Us?

Words by Cathlyn Mae Botor

Sure. It was some good months or maybe even years spent together. You shared your hopes and innermost feelings with this person, and maybe even dreams of a future together, too. But now, it has come to an end. And, of course, the pain is still there. But why do we keep stalking our ex on social media even if it hurts us?

When you officially end your relationship, you also try to divert yourself from the things you do together especially those that make you remind of the love–once perfect, pure, and true. Many people decide to deactivate, unfriend, and even block their ex on social media just so they could get rid of the moments and memories they’ve shared with their ex. But not all of us. If you can’t stop checking your ex out on social media, here are some reasons why you can’t help but stalk them online.

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6. Everything reminds you of him/her.

One of the most difficult things we have to go through after a breakup is facing the days ahead without that person anymore. It’s hard to move on if you get to associate every single thing to your ex–the places you’ve been to, some photos, your favorite restaurant/hangout spot, playlists, etc. You still stalk your ex because you got used to sharing everything with them, which you can’t do now.

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5. You’re having second thoughts on the “what could’ve beens”.

It’s been a while since your relationship status on Facebook has been set to “single”. Now, you click on the name of your ex under the search tab just because maybe you got curious if your ex also changed their relationship status or possibly got a new one. Even though you know for a fact that breaking up was the right thing, there are times you tend to think about what went wrong and what could’ve been if you two held on to your relationship a little longer.

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4. Even Facebook sends you memory notifications of when you were together.

Do you still remember what you did on your first anniversary? Did he/she surprise you on your birthday? Aside from making your relationship public, the thing about constantly posting pictures with your significant other that is also painful is when you scroll past through all these memories after the breakup. There’s a big part of you that wants to forget the person, but man, Facebook just has to send those memory notifications. Even if you don’t mean to, you just find yourself reminiscing the happier times.

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3. You have mutual friends.

When you go online, you might see common friends posting photos of them hanging out, especially if you and your ex have mutual friends or run in the same social circle. So sometimes, you get automatic updates about your ex from them, even if you don’t want to know. This can easily lead to curiosity (and sometimes even paranoia) and might find yourself wondering why they seem to be having so much fun when you’re hurting. Don’t worry, though. Most likely is they’re hurting too, and just trying to find ways to cope.

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2. Your ex still appears on your top messenger/Facebook chat list.

As much as you’d like to get away from everything about your ex, you still keep on seeing his/her name on top of your chat list. There was a time when you did consider your ex as your favorite person. But now, you even blame it on messenger for placing people you interact with (and used to interact with) a lot at the top of your messages. And of course, your ex is there. It’s irritating to see their name high up there when you’re not talking to each other anymore. An annoying feature that also easily triggers (and leads to) stalking.

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1. You still miss him/her.

That’s it, plain and simple. Straight to the point. You still miss your ex and the things you did together. All those memories. There’s might be a part of you that feels hurt and bitter right now, but you also can’t escape the fact that you still remember the person and all the wonderful times you had.

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Regardless if you stalk your ex or not on social media, you should be open to acceptance and know that healing takes time. But you’ll soon get through this pain and heartache. Just a friendly suggestion, it helps if you try to reduce the degree or time that you spend stalking your ex. Instead, focus on loving and taking care of yourself, because you deserve your love above any other.

Do you admit stalking your ex on social media? What reason are you most guilty of? Share us your thoughts in the comments section below!

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