Research estimates that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce around the world. That is the harsh reality that we live in right now. And though the end of a marriage is always a difficult thing to deal with between a husband and wife, there are also some other persons gravely affected by this—the children.
Although it can be hard for children of all ages (even the already adults) it can be especially hard for the young ones who have to decide who they choose to live with. Imagine having to choose between your parents. And sometimes, they don’t even have a choice. At such a young age, they have to live without the other most important person in their life. Some people will not have a father figure in their life or get that dance when they are 18 because their dad left. This is the life that most people live in. That is the life I live in.
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My parents have been divorced for two years now, and it’s been a rough time. A lot of thoughts went through my head when it happened, and I always questioned myself, “bat nangyari to sa akin,” “bat ako,” [Why did this happen to me? Why me?]. Out of the million people that it could have happened to, it happens to me. What makes it worse is that my dad said things about me to other people which hurt me a lot, and it made me go through the worst part of my life that eventually led me to go through depression the past year.
But now that I’ve come to terms with my life and have started healing from it, I want to share some of the things I learned which helped me go through my parents’ separation. Hopefully, what I write here can help others who are going through what I went through.
To all the kids out there going through the same situation, here are things you should never ever forget.
6. It’s not your fault.
Never think that it happened because of you. Some people might blame themselves that their parents separated, but it will only hurt you more if you see it that way. Just remember that at the end of the day it was the decision of your parents. At the end of the day, as much as you may think that you could have done something, you really cannot control what happens.
5. You can reach out to people
Talk to your closest friends. There is a reason they are there. Don’t be afraid to look to them for help because, what are friends for, right? They will be there to listen to you to help you because they care for you and they won’t leave you because of it. Sometimes it’s just right to let your emotions out to someone else.
4. Go out
I cannot stress how important this one is. YOU NEED TO GO OUT. As much as possible, try to enjoy the outdoors and avoid home because that is where the conflict happened. Find something that you can do that isn’t at home. Do sports, take a walk. In fact, take a hike. Be adventurous. Maybe do something you have never done and seek new things.
3. Do what you love to do the most
What’s more relaxing than just doing what you love? You can cook, do sports, go and grind to get to the next rank in your favorite games. Just try to enjoy life and not lie down on your bed and be sad. Keep yourself occupied by doing the things you love to do.
2. If you ever need it, don’t be afraid to seek professional help
If ever it gets truly bad and nothing works, seek professional help. Don’t be afraid to go to a psychiatrist. Believe me, I know how it feels to be scared to tell someone all of these emotions when you don’t even know them. From experience, I feel it’s actually better to tell someone you don’t know.
1. You are not alone
This would be the most essential advice that someone has ever given me. You are not alone; do not choose to alienate yourself from others because the more you separate yourself, the worse it will be. It’s not gonna help yourself if you decide to handle this on your own. Believe me, I made that same mistake.
I know it will be hard to get through this kind of situation, especially for young kids who won’t even know what’s happening. These tips might not also be enough for some, but hopefully, it does help you with what you are going through. I just hope you realize that you are not alone, and a lot of other people do go through the same situation.
Also, you have to learn to accept that you won’t just get over everything overnight. It will take time for your heart to heal and feel all right again, so remember to take it one step at a time.
