Written by Arjen Chan
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and cry about how unattractive you are? How you aren’t blessed with good genes? How there are thousands and thousands of beautiful women and men in the world, yet you’re nothing but a potato fresh from the oven? Well my friend, the feeling is mutual.
Growing up, I wasn’t really the type of girl to get bullied or insulted because of looks. As a matter of fact, as egotistic as this may sound, quite a few guys have liked me from pre-school (yes, pre-school) to now. I would get loads of compliments from people I’m friends with or compliments from relatives during reunions, events, or any family gathering saying I’m beautiful or alluring; when in reality, I have tons of flaws and imperfections.
The first time I dealt with insecurity and depression was at the age of 13. I was the type of girl to compare myself to other people and get haunted by excessive thoughts such as “why am I thin?” “Why am I not white?” It’s the never ending comparison between the people who looks as ravishing as ever and me.
Junior year came and I’ve never felt as insecure as before. As someone who studies in an all-girls school filled with beautiful and gwapo girls, I would always pass by a batchmate, someone lower or higher and automatically have thoughts such as “why is her skin clear?” “Why is she flawless?” and here am I, looking like as if I got hit by a truck or got beaten up because of my massive eye bags and dark circles.
As someone who is turning 18 yet having the face of a 10 year old, I’ve always tried my best to look mature and grown as possible. In all honesty, I could never leave the house without applying concealer; it was as if I was obliged to apply concealer on my face a.k.a: eye bags and acnes. Surely, my eye bags weren’t the darkest and most massive in the world but I’ve always thought I looked dead without concealer.
But as I grow old and mature, I find myself committing more and more into the process of loving myself before anyone else. The thought of having someone look more attractive than me doesn’t completely (emphasis on this one) bother me anymore. I’ve learned to embrace my flaws and just try to be as happy as possible rather than crying about looking like a potato.
Having to love yourself may seem difficult. I know that. because I cannot say I’ve fully stopped dealing with insecurity since I still tend to compare myself to others, but whenever I need constant reassurance or confidence, I just look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful because I am my own version—and not anyone else’s.
So to the person reading this, consider this a daily reminder that you are beautiful—inside out regardless of what people think. What others think shouldn’t matter because at the end of the day, we all have different standards, different perspectives, likes and dislikes. To wrap this writing piece, I’ll end this article with a quote from Howard Thurman:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”
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