“I’m not drunk, just lasing!”: People Share The Funniest Things They’ve Said While Drunk

Words by Marielle Balmores

Drunk nights with your closest friends = always a fun time, whether you’re staying in or out and about. Even if some nights can get deep and personal that someone might get really emotional, there are still good vibes being felt. We also end up saying or slurring random things with or without context. Whether or not we try to take it back, it evokes mixed emotions from your friends such as laughter and embarrassment that they will tease you long after the night is over. After all, some drunk words are sober thoughts.

I’ve had my share of slurred words, but I’m definitely not the only one who’s said things while under the influence. So, I asked around different (and legal) people about the funniest words they’ve said while drunk alongside the stories that led to them saying that. 

PSA: Please don’t forget to drink moderately!

Quick Maths

My friends and I were planning to leave a party at 11 pm, as we had early plans the following morning. Obviously this didn’t go according to plan and we ended up leaving at 1 am. My intoxicated self told my friends that “it’s okay it’s 1, that’s half of 11 naman!”

School Pride

It was my birthday, and I was drinking with a couple of friends at home. This was only my second time getting drunk ever, so the next thing you know, sobrang dizzy na ng world ko. Then I think we were talking about me transferring schools from Ateneo to La Salle. Somehow, that prompted me to sing the Lasallian hymn with my fist raised and all. I finished the whole song, and no one stopped me.

City Girl Strikes

[I] was drunk in Flotsam sa La Union and my friends wanted to head back to the hostel na, but I didn’t want to go yet. My friend asked me, “Paano ka babalik ng hostel?”

Me, with the confidence of a drunk Manila girl said: “Edi Uber!”

Sawi Hearts Club

[I said] “Bakit niya ko iniwan? Bakit niya ko iniwan?” for 20 minutes. I was dating this guy and we were at a concert at a bar, and he left me and ate outside. I was crying uncontrollably. Wala akong ibang sinasabi, ayun kinaladkad ako nung kaibigan ko papunta doon sa restaurant. Mga 200 meters siguro yun tapos dumaan pa kami sa Mini Stop. Non-stop iyak ko at “Bakit niya ko iniwan?”. I even saw a video!

Passenger Rating

Sinasabihan ko yung Uber ko before na “Kuya, i-rate niyo naman ako five stars”.

Snapchat Prime

At the peak of Happy T (drinking culture in DLSU) and snapchat, those were my words on my first night out getting drunk. It was my last day of being a frosh (freshman) before the term ends and a new school year starts. Happy T was still a big thing back then but I have never been and I have never gotten drunk, since I have strict parents. But that day I realized that I don’t want to let my frosh year pass without enjoying a Happy T, so I went with my blockmates and we started at Barn and found our way to Plato (rest in peace), telling my parents I would just be having “dinner.” With each drink, I was getting louder and crazier and sounding more conyo than I already am! That was also the peak of snapchat and so my friends started taking snaps of me. Out of fear that my parents would find evidence of my “dinner” out, I started yelling “Don’t snapchat me!!!” My blockmates made sure to never make me forget about that line. They even showed those very snaps I told them not take, in my debut! The nerve!

The Power of The Beatles

It was during the village Christmas party last year. I was at my eighth beer, I think, so I decided to leave for a while in case I needed to throw up. I then rushed back to the party because I heard an old lady there struggling to sing Hey Jude by The Beatles. I grabbed a mic and sang along with her. Surprisingly, my voice didn’t sound too bad, but I was drunk so what do I know? 

Thirst Hours NOT Open

I was out drinking at a party with my friends and we played a card game so I got really drunk. Then what happened was when I was about to go home with my best friend (not in that way), I was medjo dedz. So I got in the car, my thirsty butt then said to her “You know I wouldn’t remember if we made momol.” She was not dealing with that so she shut the door and our other friend made sundo all of us.

Gapang Pa, Moo!

A few weeks ago, I was with a group of friends at an [outdoor] event. Me and the upper batches were drinking, and I got so drunk that on my way walking back to my room with my friend, my room was in the second floor of a building. So climbing up the stairs, I was on my hands and knees saying “I’m a carabao” and moo-ing.

Fight Me, Bro

It was my high school friend’s birthday,  so we go to his place in Paranaque. There was 7-8 of us. We started drinking, of course. Then siyempre one thing led to another, our friend, the host, he had a boxing glove set and wasn’t using it. And sabi ng friends ko “Sayang! Gamitin natin”. I was drunk already so I said, “Bro, sapakin mo nga ako.” Surely enough, pinanandigan namin yung nangyari. So mga 5 seconds later, nag-rready nga, nakatingin tapos tropa ko katapat ko siya. He threw a punch, and I got knocked out solid 1 minute. Nakatulog ako sa kama, ‘di gumagalaw.

Ganda ka?

It was a friend’s birthday, and I was excited to meet people ’cause it’s my first time going to a party single. I went out muna then I saw a friend and talked. I don’t remember much but when he asked me if I was going to go back inside the venue, I replied that I didn’t know, then surpringly added “I want to make landi! Am I pretty?” He said I was, and I said thank you! Sayang though, di natuloy yung pag-landi ko.

Honesty is the Best Policy

I was at a debut of my girlfriend. I got super duper drunk, at ni-real talk ko friends ko. I think may sinabi ako [to one of my friends] na parang “Alam mo ikaw, matalino ka tapos mahal mahal kita. Tropa ka, pero bobo mo.”

Walang Bawian!!

2 years ago, I was really into the late night drinking scene with my friends. One night specifically, I was getting woozy and swaying back and forth while enjoying the music playing. One of my friends noticed how much I was enjoying myself, jokingly asking me if I was drunk. My tolerance used be really weak, and I didn’t like being called weak sa inumans even if at that the moment, walang wala na ako. Confidently still, I declared without thinking “I’m not drunk, I’m just lasing!” Only seconds did the common sense hit me, and when I tried to take it back, everyone was laughing at me and teased for it. Up to this day, they bring it up and I would laugh along with them. Oh, younger me was really something.

Thank you to those who helped me with this article! Your stories were really something.

Again, please don’t forget to drink moderately! Even if they make funny stories after, you still gotta take care of yourselves!

RELATED: 16 Types of Alcohol Drinkers You Could Meet in the Philippines

What are the funniest things you’ve said or sang while drunk? Share your stories with us!