Just Because You Lost Me as a Friend Doesn’t Mean You Gained Me as an Enemy

Words by Gianna Sibal

Friendships are fragile, fragile things. They’re open and vulnerable to any kind of breakage—mistrust, disloyalty, insensitivity, toxicity. They’re impermanent, not made of steel—more like glass.

There are people who try to glue pieces of that glass together after it breaks. Those who try to save and salvage what’s left of it, even when it isn’t functional anymore. Those who forgive, and forgive, and forgive.

That used to be me. I used to hold on to friendships that drained me from the inside out. That brought me to the lowest point of my life and had me crying in the comfort room during class. That made an excuse against better reasoning and judgment whenever I was treated less than I was: “Friend ko naman siya, I have to be more understanding”, or “Friend ko siya, I have to be more patient”, and “Friends kami, kaya okay lang na ginaganito niya ako.”

And for months—maybe a year—I couldn’t let go, even when the people around me were telling me to. How could I leave and abandon a friend? 

I couldn’t do it. I never thought I could do it…until I realized I was actually abandoning myself.

You never truly realize how emotionally abusive a relationship is until you get out of it. And it took me a while to come to terms with leaving a friend—just letting that piece of glass break. Not fixing it again.

Don’t get me wrong—it wasn’t all about the bad things. There was happiness, too—and belief in each other, and triumphs together, and nights out with our good friend, Smirnoff Mule. I shared parts of me with her, and she shared parts of her to me.

But to that friend of mine, I just want to say: just because you lost me as a friend, doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy.

I still want to see you grow—but just not with me anymore. I wish you happiness, and success, and that you’ve hopefully understood where things went wrong with us and our other friends, and how it all changed for the better. This isn’t to say that I’m not flawed; I’ve had my fair share of imperfections and mistakes within our friendship as well. Our falling-out was a lesson—for the both of us.

To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m sorry that I left. I can’t apologize for prioritizing myself and my health, and I don’t ever want to be put in the same situation and toxicity ever again. Truthfully, it really brought me to my lowest; I hated myself with you.

I am grateful for our friendship, but most importantly, I am happy we don’t have it anymore. I’m not sure if we ever will again, but for now, I just wish you are doing well. I don’t wish you any bitterness, or suffering, or pain. I just feel like…it’s better for us to grow without each other.

(ALSO READ: Let’s Talk About Toxic Friendships and Why They Need to be Cut Off)

What do you think? Let us know!