It’s almost impossible to go on social media and not find a hugot post. Every day we see someone complaining about how single they are and how they hope they could find the one already. It’s a valid wish. Being in a loving relationship can be a fulfilling experience. But while it’s easy to complain about how single you are, have you ever wondered why?
Like, really wonder?
It’s easy to blame other things like all the men are assholes and all the women are superficial, or that you’re too busy with work to even find time to date. It’s always someone or something else’s fault. But have you ever thought that… maybe it’s you?
Think about it: all the failed dates you went on and all the attempts at finding The One. The one thing they had in common was you.
It’s a conversation that I had with myself recently when I thought about me being single. I haven’t been in a relationship for four years and I haven’t dated anyone steadily. I’m the type of person who asks myself what I did wrong before passing on the blame so I asked myself: girl, why are you still alone?
I used to think it was because I’m fat and unattractive. It’s true that I’m overweight and I’m not the best-looking guy out there. It has become my crutch whenever I am crippled with self-pity. But when I confided my woes to my friends, they were surprised at my conclusion. I don’t want to oversell myself but basically my friends said I wasn’t so bad.
After a long and thoughtful discussion with myself and my inner demons over milk tea, I figured that it’s because I’m lazy. I go on Tinder, Bumble, and Grindr when I’m bored and there would be guys, and I would entertain them until I get bored and drift away. There are guys I know who would send signals but I would ride along and agree to go out, then quietly bow out, not replying as the date neared then hope they wouldn’t remind me. In short, I wouldn’t put in the effort required to sustain a budding relationship. I asked myself, “Ganda ka?”
My laziness has affected my whole life. I’m so busy with work and my rakets that I would rather spend my free time going to the gym or in bed reading books and comics or watching Netflix. Now, how do I expect guys to find me when I’m at home? I don’t even go the digital route by going on dating apps!
So the reason I’m single is my fault.
It might be the same for you. Or you might have impossibly high standards (there is such a thing). Or you might still be in love with an ex and a part of you is still hoping you’ll be back together.
Of course, it’s possible that the reason you’re still single is entirely out of your control (strict parents, your role as a breadwinner, etc.). Life isn’t perfect. But before you pass the blame on someone or something else, look inside you and see if there’s a part of you that’s at fault.
That way, instead of seeing hugot posts all over social media, we’ll instead see happy couples going on dates. Or better yet, you enjoying your single blessedness.
What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
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