I’ve always felt alone. Since I knew I had a problem, I sought professional help a few years ago; and even though I still had bad days, I know that I am much better now than I was before.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was honestly very worried about my mental health. Aside from the physical changes that I knew I would undergo, I was also worried that the pregnancy might take a toll on my mental health. I was really worried because I didn’t want to go back to where I was before, and I didn’t want to hurt my baby in any way.
As my pregnancy progressed, though, I learned how to love myself and I automatically fell in love with my baby; it was like flipping a switch. I didn’t know that pregnancy could help me feel loved, cared for, and not alone.
I remember a friend asking me if I was okay when she found out I was pregnant. She was also worried that it might affect my mental and emotional state. Surprisingly, I was okay. I was happy. I was content.
Photos by Boudoir Le Blanc
“You are never ready,” another friend told me. He was asking me if I was ready for the baby, I gladly said yes because I knew I was. My heart, my mind, my finances, and my whole life, in general, were ready. Though hormones are at an all-time high, my anxiety has been surprisingly manageable and I have learned to relax. I knew it was a personal choice because stress can be bad for the baby, but being pregnant also helped my mind and heart heal from what it went through.
Whenever I ask myself if I am okay and If I am mentally and emotionally strong enough to go through pregnancy, I know I am because I have found a new sense of purpose.
Maybe I was in a quarter-life crisis or maybe I was just broken, but I have found that pregnancy has given new meaning to my life – that I have a purpose to fulfill, that I have a new life to live. More than the stress of pregnancy, I was excited and open to what’s to come. I feel more alive than ever.
In this new chapter, I never felt alone because I have this baby in my womb that reminds me that I am tougher than anything that I’ve been through and that I am strong for being able to keep this baby safe.
We all cope differently with anxiety and depression. I have been living with it for years and I didn’t know how to handle it. I asked for professional help and learned how to manage it, but this pregnancy has helped me focus and be better. It helped me in ways that I could never have imagined and in ways that I didn’t know could be possible.
Every day when I wake up, I am grateful for the gift of life – not just mine, but also my baby’s.
