A few weeks ago, a guy made the mistake of posting a thread on Twitter. It was long but compelling and I finished the whole thing even if the tweets grew ridiculous by the minute. By the time I finished, I wondered: did this guy think this through? A lot of people seemed to agree because he was soon deluged by negative comments.
The thread in question details how the guy cheated on his girlfriend, managed to win her back, and was later dumped by her. What made the thread go viral is how he blamed her for what happened.
Of course, he admitted that he was in the wrong. He had the common sense to admit that the cheating was his fault. However, I don’t understand what he meant when he said, “Grabe suffering ko. Yung trauma na I’m suffering sinisira ako every day. And now I’m super %*+^%#ing messed up.”
This kind of thinking is not unique. We’ve heard stories where the woman is blamed because they left an abusive or deceitful relationship. People would say that the guy is healing and finding himself, and that it’s the woman’s job to understand and endure whatever it is the guy is “going through.”
We saw this dangerous mindset a few months ago when Mac Miller passed away. Some people harshly judged his ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande for leaving him while he was recovering from his drug addiction.
The thing is, it’s not anyone’s job to fix you when you’re broken. You can’t just force your partner to stay with you when they feel they are being shortchanged. If they choose to go, it’s not their fault. Think about why they’re leaving.
Of course, it’s possible that a person is leaving a relationship for purely selfish reasons. But if that’s not the case, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It means they love themselves more.
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial partnerships, not a form of slavery. Don’t blame your ex when they leave you for cheating. Or because you’re a prick. Most importantly, don’t make a fool of yourself about it online.