There were mornings I couldn’t get out of bed. I’d wake up tired, my chest heavy, my mind already racing before the day even began. I thought it was just stress—that maybe I was being dramatic or ungrateful for feeling this way. But the heaviness stayed. It wouldn’t go away no matter how much I rested, distracted myself, or pretended to be fine.
Photo: Unsplash
When nothing worked, I started looking for options for therapy. But I was only 18 then, still a student, and couldn’t afford the ₱2,000 per session most clinics charged every week. Then I learned about the program offered by the University of Santo Tomas’s Psychotrauma Clinic, which provided free consultations. It was there that I finally talked about everything—the sadness, the things that scared me, the moments I wished I could just disappear.
I stopped going after a while. Some people made me feel like I had no right to be depressed—that because I was privileged, I didn’t deserve to feel that kind of pain. So I pushed it down again, pretending it was gone.
Years later, I went back to therapy. This time, I stayed. And that’s when I was told I had depression and C-PTSD—Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Depression, I learned, is more than just sadness—it’s a deep exhaustion that seeps into everything you do. C-PTSD, on the other hand, often comes from long-term or repeated trauma. It’s when you’ve lived in survival mode for so long that safety feels unfamiliar, and even peace can feel uncomfortable.
Learning to be honest about pain
I grew up believing I had to be strong no matter what. “Laban lang.” “Kaya mo ‘yan.” Those words come from love, but they can also make it hard to admit when you’re not okay.
The first time I sat in front of a therapist, I didn’t know where to start. When she asked, “How are you?” I just cried. I didn’t even know why.
Healing wasn’t instant. Some sessions felt like progress; others left me feeling raw and confused. But slowly, I began to understand myself better. I learned that my reactions weren’t overreactions—they were responses to wounds I never healed from. That rest isn’t laziness, and asking for help isn’t weakness.
It’s okay to ask for help
Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. Sometimes it’s just feeling tired all the time. Sometimes it’s losing interest in things you used to love. Sometimes it’s forcing a smile because it’s easier than explaining.
If you’re going through something like that, please know you’re not alone. Don’t wait for things to fall apart before reaching out. You deserve help, even if others don’t understand why.
And when you do reach out, remember that the right support system makes all the difference. Not everyone will understand what you’re going through, and that’s okay. What matters is finding people who listen without judgment, who remind you that you’re not a burden for feeling what you feel. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation; sometimes, it starts with one person saying, “I’m here.”
Therapy didn’t “fix” me, but it gave me language for what I was feeling. It taught me to be patient with myself, to recognize triggers, and to believe that I could still grow from pain. Healing doesn’t erase the past—it helps you carry it more gently.
If today feels heavy, hold on
I still have bad days. There are mornings when everything feels too much. But now, I know what to do. When things get hard, I take things slow. I reach out when I need to. And I remind myself that surviving is also something to be proud of.
If today feels heavy, hold on. Healing takes time, but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting better. You’re still here, still trying—and that’s enough.
If you need someone to talk to, the National Mental Health Crisis Hotline (NCMH) is available 24/7:
- Hotline: 1553 / 1800-1888-1553
- Smart/TNT: 0919-057-1553
- Globe/TM: 0917-899-8727
ALSO READ: “Next to Normal” Review: A Talented Cast Elevates a Story About Mental Health
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