You know how there are all those listicles of the “types of drunks” you meet? Well, science has a legitimate answer now. According to a study in Addiction and Research Theory by the Department of Psychological Sciences of University of Missouri-Columbia, there are 4 types of drunk people. Here are excerpts from the research and what they actually mean:
1. Ernest Hemingway
“..reported only slightly changing when intoxicated.”
“..members stand out as being ‘less affected’ than drinkers in some of the other groups, much like the author Ernest Hemingway, who claimed that he could ‘drink hells any amount of whiskey without getting drunk..'”
“.. majority of drinkers who tend not to undergo drastic character changes or experience harms.”
Meaning: Consisting of 40% of the population, these guys are the boring drunks.
2. Mary Poppins
“particularly agreeable when sober..”
“..captures the sweet, responsible drinkers who experience fewer alcohol-related problems compared to those most affected..”
Meaning: 14% of the population. These usual outgoing types become even more agreeable (even to a fault). The world is always sunshine and roses when these guys are inebriated and alcohol goes down ‘in the most delightful way!’
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3. Mr. Hyde
“..members of this group, much like the dark-sided Mr. Hyde, reported a tendency of being particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol than they are when they are sober, as well as relative to members of the other groups.”
“..statistically more likely to experience alcohol consequences, suggesting that individuals in this group not only embody less savoury personality characteristics when drunk, but also incur acute harm from their drinking..”
Meaning: Them peeps be crayyyy drunks!
4. Nutty Professor
“..particularly introverted when sober but demonstrated a large increase in Extraversion and decrease in Conscientiousness when drunk, relative to their sober levels of these traits.”
“..although the personality change displayed by ‘The Nutty Professors’ may be the most dramatic, this does not appear to be associated with elevated harm – at least in terms of the alcohol-related consequences assessed in this study. This is likely because their mean drunk levels of these traits, though vastly different from their sober means, were still in the normal range..”
Meaning: The introverted friend who become less introverted with every shot. Two words: LIQUID COURAGE!