It’s summertime!
And it’s also the time where people exert inordinate amounts of pressure on everyone else to look like photoshopped magazine models!
While the sun is out and scorching us all, you would think that we’d be more worried about trying not to sweat through our clothes rather than how tightly those clothes fit on us. So, to address the strange need other people have to tell us how we should look, here are some of the dumbest diets you can go on to one-up those people!
5. Photosynthesis
We’re alive, plants are alive, why can’t we just copy them? Live on light!
Convert all of it into food we can feed ourselves! I’m no scientist or anything but some of those plants are skinny af and it’s probably because all they do is photosynthesize. You might turn green depending on the chlorophyll but our goal is to get skinny, no one said anything about not turning green.
Does light have calories? Does air? Probably less than other food! And all you need is water to help it all out. Amazing.
4. Air diet
We’ve got a recipe for this! Check it out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnXpK99IxbI
The garnish is very important, obviously. It ties it all together. And makes for a beautiful presentation, don’t you think?
You can even add water to really mix it up. And for the millennials out there, yes, you can add kale, too. Might be too heavy, though!
This is perfect for a snack! Diet air might work, too, or even using fewer cups of air for your recipe if you’re feeling a little bloated. Don’t worry! It’s not that pricey. If anything, it’s worth it in the long run! 😉
3. Sleep
Urge to eat? Go to bed! You’re probably lacking sleep anyway (yes, we see you opening up the site at 3 AM! Get some rest, fam).
If you sleep, that means less time eating and more time all cuddly in your bed with your mismatched socks and the childhood blanket you’ve refused to wash because you fear it’ll lose its magic if you do. Sleep is great. We should all sleep more. And maybe you can dream a buffet instead of actually going to one.
That’s a great one to tell your judgmental friends: I dreamt of the buffet but didn’t go.
2. Spend your money on your obscure hobby instead so you don’t buy food
Have an intense Harry Potter obsession? Addicted to idol anime? Why not fuel that niche hobby even further by spending all your money on it instead?
Two birds, one stone. You get more merch to decorate your room with and don’t have to spend on food. It’s pretty scientifically proven that this works. And by this, I mean that I, a non-scientist, asked a couple of friends how they fared in college when they were at the height of their respective obsessions and they told me that they hardly spent on food. Very scientific.
Take it even further by annexing a room in your house just for that fandom. If you haven’t already. I’m rooting for you.
1. No seafood diet/the “hermit” diet
We mean: No see food. No see food = No eat. Keep yourself away from the sight of the stuff! It’s trying to lure you in! Just stay inside, don’t panic, put on a good playlist or 10 to keep yourself distracted. I believe in you.
Will you be taking on any of these diets? Let us know!
